Sonnet 18
by TheHorcruxHunter
Summary: James is stuck in his dorm on a Saturday night when he finds the first message on a pink scrap of parchment meant for him. Throughout the next week his life takes a turn and changes drastically while he continues to receive more unsigned messages.
1. Chapter 1

**A Not So Brief Introduction to This Story**

**I feel like I have to say a few things before you start reading. You can skip over straight to the story if you like, but if you're a skeptic about AU stories, it'd do you better to read this first.**

**First of all, this is a **_**fanfiction**_**. That means I don't own any of the characters – except my OC – or places in the story: they belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. So just making that clear. **

**Second, this is my first multi-chaptered fanfiction, and an AU one at that, so please don't give me a hard time about canon and timelines and OoCness and things like that. In fact, the OoCness of the characters in this story is something I **_**intentionally **_**did, just to make things a little different. **

**Three, there is one thing that I messed up in this story – namely, the span of time over which it happens. I know that it is probably impossible to have so much happen in one week, so if you ever decide to point that out, I already know it. Cut me some slack. **

**Fourthly, I have finished this story and will be updating it once a week. Also, a lot of the chapters end with cliffhangers, but I won't be doing "recaps" – they just piss me off for some reason – so at any point, if you don't remember what happened earlier, just click on the little blue back button next to the chapter title and scroll to the bottom of the page to refresh your memory.**

**And last of all, I have only showed this story to one person before – and she loved it. Usually I stray far away from stories that are AU and promise OCs and un-canon things and OoCness, but trust me on this: **_**You will not be disappointed. **_**I put enormous amounts of effort into this story – I stayed up several nights, desperate to finish it – and as you can see, I'm using correct punctuation and spelling as I write this, so you know I'm not some idiot attempting to write an unoriginal story.**

**I'm not obsessing, really. I just want to get you to read. :D**

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1

[SATURDAY]

I closed my eyes and leaned against the headboard of my four-poster bed.

I was in my dorm room. I could hear loud music pumping through the walls from the common room, where a party was taking place – the party being the reason I was stuck inside the dorms on a Saturday night. The sound was slightly muffled, but I could hear it loud and clear and could almost feel it penetrating my own body, as if taunting me. In an attempt to block out the irritating noise, I plunged into the sea of thoughts that was my mind at this point, and let myself get lost there.

I thought back to this morning. I had woken up a little later than usual and gone down to the Great Hall to find it swarming with students, something I tried to avoid at all costs on weekends in order to be able to have my breakfast in peace at least two days out of seven. So, after just barely managing to squeeze through a pack of boys and girls who were all trying to shout over the din they themselves were creating, I reached the long table that ran from wall to wall and grabbed a stack of toast. It was a long time before I succeeded in exiting the Great Hall, but once I did, I dashed up the marble staircase to the portrait, breathlessly said the password, and once I was in, hurried into my dorm to find my roommate, Peter Pettigrew, standing there and holding a piece of paper in his hand.

You can probably guess what it was. But, having no clue at the time about what was later to ensue, I asked, "What's that?" before he whipped it out of sight under his jacket. I gave him a weird look.

He seemed to be able to speak with difficulty. "Nothing," he said finally, sounding as if something was stuck in his throat. "It's nothing at all."

Alright, if he didn't want to tell me, I didn't want to know. I stared at him a moment longer, then looked away and proceeded to remove my sweat pants. Hey, if I wasn't going to be eating breakfast in a quiet Great Hall, at least I should be comfortable… I climbed into my four-poster bed, now with only a pair of checkered boxer shorts and an old T-shirt on, and balancing my plate of toast on my bare knees, I reached over to my nightstand to grab the book that was lying there. Just as I was opening it to the page I had left off, I felt a pair of eyes on me and looked up to see Peter still standing there, looking at me as if I might leap out of bed and deck him.

Before I could ask him what the matter was, he burst.

"Okay, mate, look – I'm sorry! I don't know why you weren't invited and I was!" I gaped at him stupidly. He produced the piece of paper from his jacket pocket again and started shaking it around. "I mean, it's not like she knows me any better than she does you! I don't know, mate, I really don't – but I'm going anyway, okay? I'm going anyway."

There was a long silence in which he stared at me worriedly, a look which intensified when all I could do was gawk back with my mouth open.

"What?" I finally said. That was when he explained to me, resigned, that Lily Evans was throwing a birthday party in the common room that night, and that the piece of paper, which was now lying crumpled in his lap, was an invitation to that party. People were saying there was going to be Firewhiskey and some kind of Muggle music player that could handle all the magic in the air, James, he couldn't miss it – this was his opportunity to hang with the 'hot crowd' – and even though I hadn't got an invite I shouldn't be so mad as I was, he knew how much I liked her – but that was where I cut him off.

"I do _not _like her," I countered in a firm voice to make sure he understood. But it was no use. Peter and my other friends knew as well as I did that that was about as true as the sky being pink or the sea being made of melted chocolate.

But in the end, that was how I found myself in the dorm that night, lying on the bed in exactly the same position as I had been in the morning: my head resting against the headboard, my eyes closed, one of my bare legs propped up and the other sprawled out over the length of the bed. I had been internally angry about not having been invited, even though I knew it was pointless because it would have been expecting too much anyway. Lily Evans, who was throwing the party, noticed me about as much as everyone else in my year, save my own friends – namely, not at all. And the fact that I spent half my time thinking about her didn't help.

I wasn't angry about my position in the social hierarchy, though. In fact, I quite liked where I was. I wasn't bad looking, with my spiky hair that stuck up in all directions and never seemed to lie flat, my round, thin-framed glasses, my hazel eyes and my thin body. I had even been asked out by a girl once or twice. I tended to fall asleep in a lot of my classes, but despite that my teachers liked me, and I had a great bunch of friends – I had never felt the need to join the loud, popular crowd. And the fact that they had never asked me to was perfectly okay with me. That wasn't what I was mad about.

No, the problem was that I didn't _want _to like her. I knew I was wasting my time – she was completely out of my league. But my hormones wouldn't leave me alone. It was her face that swam through my mind now, and I held my breath and curled my hands into fists, but it wouldn't go away. I could see her clearly, as if she was sitting right in front of me: her straight, scarlet hair; her high forehead; her almond-shaped, shining green eyes; her small, smiling pink lips, inviting me…I shook my head.

I felt a sudden anger flaring up in my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. I rubbed my eyes and counted to ten. Damn these hormones. Why did I like her so much? This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't. But she was so fit – no, she was beautiful – and if she would just let me run my fingers through her sleek hair I would never complain about anything ever again –

Suddenly there was a loud crash in my room. My eyes flew open and I let out a yelp as I leapt to my feet, still in my boxers. It was a moment before my eyes adjusted to the pool of light now spilling into the dark dorm from the doorway. The door had been pushed open and was hanging open against the wall, still barely on its hinges. I looked down and saw that a long streak of some liquid had stained the scarlet carpet, deepening its color, and the stench that now filled the room told me it was alcohol. The trail led to a girl, lying spread-eagled and face-down near the open door, her hair splayed out in all directions, her arms stretched out on either side of her and an empty glass clutched in one of her hands. She dropped the glass, bent her elbows and struggled to get up. I didn't feel the smallest inclination to help her. Finally she got to her knees and looked straight up at me as I stood beside the bed in my shorts. My face suddenly burning, I jumped into bed and dove under the covers to hide my indecency, my head poking out from the top of the duvet so that I could say, "What the _hell_?"

My heart was hammering in my chest, and not only from surprise. I had almost believed that it had been Lily herself who had crashed through my door, completely mashed, and the thought had sent me reeling. But now I saw that the girl who was shakily getting to her feet in front of me was not Lily at all – she had sandy blonde hair and clear blue eyes, and I recognized her as one of Lily's friends. Her name was Briony.

She, on the other hand, had no idea who I was. She mumbled a slurred apology, as if it were a perfectly forgivable mistake to break down someone's door at midnight and fall head-first onto their carpet, and when I didn't reply, she turned around and tottered out the door, which she left open behind her.

I stared after her for a few moments, the covers still pulled up to my nose, and waited for my heartbeat to return to its normal pace. Then, sighing, I dragged myself out of bed, a million different memories and emotions still running amok in my mind. I struck a match, lit the candle on my nightstand, and padded barefoot across the room to shut the door. What a night. Suddenly I felt exhausted, as if I had run one of those Olympic races we had learned about in Muggle Studies. I glanced at my watch: it was three minutes past midnight. For a moment I stood beside the four-poster bed, marveling at how fast the time had flown since I had lay down at ten at night, intending to read – and then I clambered into it. I reached over to my nightstand to blow out the candle, and in doing so I noticed the book I had left there, shadows flickering across the beaten leather cover – and a piece of dyed pink parchment poking out from between the pages. I knew I certainly hadn't placed it there. Curiously, I picked up the book and plucked out the piece of parchment, squinting in the light from the candle as I read what was written on it a loopy, girly hand:

_Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? _  
_Thou art more lovely and more temperate;_


	2. Chapter 2

**Um, hi. It looks like this story's not so popular. I'm hoping this second chapter will get people more interested. **

**Also, I noticed the first chapter got a few favorites, and that's really great. But I'd really really really appreciate it if you could review as well, please? :) **

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2

[SUNDAY - DAY]

I took a deep breath.

"Briony?" Hearing her name, she turned.

The inquisitive look on her face – her eyes wide, blue like a china dolls', her perfectly shaped eyebrows raised and her lips slightly parted – changed as soon as she saw who was speaking to her. Almost immediately, her eyes narrowed and her mouth set itself into an ugly crooked line.

"What?" she snapped.

I wasn't really surprised by her annoyance. I expected that this was the girl she had become, the one who never allowed herself to speak to anyone who wasn't incredibly attractive. But her short, irritable question raised many in my own mind, and my heart started going at fifteen times its normal pace. What the heck was I thinking? Why was I talking to _her _about this? Was I out of my mind? Was I drunk?

"Briony, I – I need to talk to you," I said. Scratch that. I'd probably OD'd on something without my knowledge.

She peered at me through the blue slits that were now her eyes. "Do I know you?" she asked, not very politely.

I didn't waste time pretending to be surprised. "Um, I'm James. James Potter?" But soon after I had said it, I realized that this girl was going to stay true to her pretty blond hair and stunning looks: even if she knew me, she wasn't prepared to acknowledge it. I sighed.

And I was right. "Uh," she said, "yeah." She paused. "No, actually. Who are you?"

I sighed again and opened my mouth to speak. But she interrupted me, which alarmed me a bit. I wasn't expecting more than a few curt syllables out of her.

"Look, I haven't got much time, so if you're done standing there and sighing like an idiot, delaying your point just so that you can check me out, I've got to go," she said, her voice rising to an angry pitch. I stared at her for a moment. _Checking her out? _

"Em –" I said stupidly. "I wasn't checking you out." So why were my cheeks burning? "I just wanted to ask you something about – about Lily." I felt the heat in my face intensify when I said her name. "But," I continued, and I was babbling now, "if you're busy, I can ask you later…" I stopped. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough experience in the field to be qualified to enter the Talking to Girls about Matters Romantic Department. Why the hell had I even tried?

She looked at me with a weird look that I couldn't identify. A second later, I realized she was on the verge of laughter – peals and peals of laughter, by the looks of it. "I –" I started to say. "Never mind," I concluded – with a great flourish, if I do say so myself – and turned to walk away. She didn't stop me, but I could feel her eyes – now gradually filling up with tears of mirth, probably – still on my back when I reached the armchair where my best friend, Sirius Black, was sitting, with Peter Pettigrew at his feet and Remus Lupin on the couch beside him.

He was staring at me. "Mate," he said slowly, looking at me as if I belonged in a mental institution, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied, plopping myself down on the sofa beside Remus. "Why wouldn't I be?" I looked sideways to see that Remus was gaping at me as well, and then back and forth between the two. "What? What's happened?"

"It's just," Sirius continued in that same concerned, careful tone, "you were just talking to Briony Turner."

There was a pause. "And?" I finally said, trying to be casual.

No one answered for a moment. Then, "James, I would never have taken you as a man with balls the size of – " But Sirius didn't get to elaborate on whatever he had been going to compare my privates to, because at that moment there was the sound of such loud laughter from one female Gryffindor that half the common room jumped. I didn't have to look up to know who it was. I leaned forward, put my hands between my legs, and then raised them up to cradle my aching head.

"James," Remus said, "what on earth did you do?"

"I asked her if I could talk to her about Lily," I muttered, but as my voice was muffled by my hands, which were crushing my face and willing me to never speak again, I was sure they couldn't hear me and I dreaded what was coming next.

Sure enough, they asked me to repeat myself. "What?" they said together. Very articulately, I must say.

"I said," I repeated, looking up at them tiredly, "that I asked her if I could speak to her about Lily Evans. Go on, laugh at me, I'm ready," I added bitterly, bending down to put my face in my hands again.

"Oh," I heard Sirius say. "Oh." What? Was that relief in his voice?

My head shot up. "I thought you were asking her out," Sirius explained, and when I looked at him with my eyes so wide they were probably the shape and size of my glasses, he added, "You know, that probably wouldn't have been such a bad idea."

I didn't reply, probably because I was dumbstruck. I knew Sirius to be quite experienced when it came to the ladies – completely the opposite of me, I might add, and sometimes I wondered if he'd do a Briony on me, but only to feel guilty afterwards. I had known Sirius since the first day on the train, and we had been best friends ever since – he was a great guy, pretty decent, and the fact that he was so good-looking and so damn charming drew everyone to him, while I usually hung in the background trying to blend in with the walls. Still, despite his popularity, he never left my side and we had had some great times together over the years. He had been the one to get me interested in Quidditch, which was now my one comfort and solace, we had done a lot of crazy things together, and he had been sympathetic with the Briony incident in third year. Sirius had also taught me a lot about girls, and given me heaps of advice which was probably helpful but which I never followed owing to my lack of 'balls', as he put it, but I had to say that this was about the absolute worst advice I had ever been given by anyone.

"I mean, you need a break from this, mate," he went on, looking at me pityingly. "All this obsessing over Lily and knowing it's never going to happen." He paused. "You, my friend, need a fling."

I thought I was starting to understand. This was his way of making fun of me. I cracked a smile and was about to go along with it when Peter spoke for the first time. "Yeah," he said, a bit uncertainly. Peter was always saying things a bit uncertainly. "You need a break."

Seeing that he had just repeated after Sirius word for word, I realized they hadn't rehearsed this very well. But then, Peter could just be trying to impress Sirius, something we had all grown used to and learned to ignore.

But then Remus spoke up. And when Remus spoke, oh, he spoke. "Well, I don't know about that," he put in, looking at Sirius sternly, "but you do need to get over Lily. And frankly…"

"What? Frankly what?" I said nervously.

"Well –" He cleared his throat, casting a nervous glance at the other two for support. "We're kind of getting sick of you talking about her all the time."

"I do _not _talk about her all the time!" I yelped, half-rising from my seat. Several people in the common room looked up from books or the midst of conversations to stare at me.

"I mean," I whispered defensively, lowering myself into the couch again, "I don't always talk about her. That's completely untrue, you know it."

Sirius was the one to answer. "Then why," he said, raising an eyebrow, "do you think we're telling you this?"

"Because you're making fun of me!" I exploded, causing more pointed glances to come my way.

"Jeez, James, insecure much? Calm down. We're worried about you. And your mental health. Not to mention, ours," he added.

"Yeah," Peter piped up again, "your mental health. You do tend to obsess over things a lot of the time. Like, what about that piece of paper you found in your book last night? You haven't given that a rest all day."

"Exactly," Sirius agreed, and Peter looked triumphant at having made a point. "Just like that. About that, though –"

"I'm telling you, some girl wrote that to me!" I said hotly, sending my most angry glare at Sirius's calm face. "And anyway, that's beside the point. You were –"

"Oh, but that _is _the point, my friend," Sirius said cheerfully, and began to tick off his fingers. "You think some girl wrote that to you. You talk about Lily in all your waking hours. You dream about her in your sleeping ones," he said, and I could feel the heat rising to my face again, but he wasn't done. "You know you can never be with Lily, because she'll reject you before you can open your mouth." I winced, even though he hadn't been harsh. "You're desperate to be in a relationship. _You need a new girl._"

There was an awed silence. I broke it. "So you're saying...so you're saying I need to ask Briony out?"

"Not necessarily Briony," Sirius said hastily. "It doesn't have to be her. I'm just saying. Take your pick." He gestured around the room with a sweeping motion of his arm, as if he was the owner of a designer shop who was generously offering something to me for free. I knew he didn't want me to embarrass myself by asking Briony.

Well, I would show him. I was sick of being so invisible and angry and completely unnoticed by the one person I lusted after the most. I couldn't be this person anymore. I would do something bold, something daring. I would show Sirius and Lily and all the rest of them just how intrepid James Potter could be.

Before he could stop me, I leapt off the couch and strode across to the fireplace, where the still-giggling Briony stood chatting with another friend, and put a firm hand on her shoulder. She turned, looked at the hand, then at my face. A smile broke across her own, showing perfectly shaped, sparkling white teeth.

I leaned forward and pushed my lips hard against hers.


	3. Chapter 3

3

It lasted forever.

While I kissed Briony, a hundred things went through my exhausted mind. The first was that this wasn't right. It shouldn't be her lips that were under mine, moving slowly as I let myself get lost in their shape. No, the color of her hair was wrong, and the eyes behind the closed lids were china blue, not sparkling green, and even the feel of her jaw under my hand wasn't as angular as it should have been. The second was that I should probably already be packing my bags for heaven or wherever I was meant to go, because when this was over she would slap me and then beat me to death with a broomstick.

But when she didn't pull away and started to kiss back, all I could think was, _Man, this is good. _

I honestly couldn't understand why I didn't do this with every even remotely nice-looking girl I happened to come across. Seriously. I was at a complete loss. This was probably because hormones were invading my mind as I kissed her, laughing evilly as they quickly and effectively took over every nook of my brain and chanted, "Kiss! Kiss Briony! Kiss is good!" Fireworks exploded in my head. I couldn't get enough. The chanting grew louder, more intense.

But of course it had to end at some point. When we finally came up for air, the entire common room was silent. All chatter had ceased. Heads had been raised from books. Chess boards had been abandoned. Every eye stared at the pair of us. My heart was pumping so hard and fast in my chest, as if it knew the end was near and wanted to escape the most horrible fate – the wrath of a woman's fury – that I was convinced everyone in the room could hear it loud and clear.

When Briony spoke, it felt as if my skull had been cracked like an eggshell.

"Boys and girls," she announced chirpily into the silence, "I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend!" She threw up an arm triumphantly and curled the other around my waist.

Turning to me, she whispered, "Sorry, what was your name again?"

*

[SUNDAY – NIGHT]

The pillow suddenly felt very warm. Hot, even. It was burning. It was burning my freaking scalp and charring my hair. I flipped it over, heard a soft flutter as a light object flew out and landed somewhere on the carpet by my bed.

A glance at my watch told me it was half past one in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep; Briony's voice still rang in my head and bounced off the walls, again and again and again. "I mean what I said about you being my boyfriend, by the way," she had said after I had told her my name. She had proclaimed it a very sexy name indeed, and then began running her finger up and down my bare neck and leaving trails of gooseflesh behind. "You can't kiss me like that and make fireworks go off in my head and then walk away without doing it again."

I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. And if I lay in bed trying, there was no doubt that I would spend half the night obsessing over what had ensued today. Kissing Briony; it feeling so right and so wrong all at once. Maybe Sirius and Remus were right. Maybe I should just let Lily go.

I hauled myself up in bed and reached over to my nightstand to light the candle.

With the aid of the soft glow from the candle stub I searched for whatever had slipped out from under my pillow. At last I found it. It must have been a trick of the light, but the tiny, crumpled piece of parchment that was lying on the carpet appeared to be a dull shade of pink. As I moved closer, however, my suspicions were confirmed. But how had it gotten under my pillow? After reading it and staring at it for a few seconds the previous night, I had replaced it on my nightstand and fallen asleep. I was pretty sure it was still there, too.

I crouched down, candle in hand, and scraped the parchment off the carpet. I turned it over in my palm and held it up to the candlelight. I saw that I had been wrong as I read the message scrawled on the paper in the now-familiar handwriting.

_Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,_  
_And summer's lease hath all too short a date:_

I stared at the lines for a moment, and then shook my head.

Three minutes later, I was standing on the dewy Quidditch pitch, my old broom slung over my shoulder and the Invisibility Cloak my grandfather had given me stuffed in the pocket of my robes. The silver moon hung behind thick clouds and I could see only a few feet ahead of me. At my feet, the wet grass twinkled in the dim moonlight as if winking wickedly at me. _Oh, you bad boy, _it seemed to cackle. I didn't know if it meant sneaking out of the castle or kissing someone who was not Lily.

Sighing, I swung a leg over my broom, but I did not kick off. I looked up at the moon for a moment, which was still obscured thickly by night clouds – and then I was off.

It was the most wonderful sensation. The frigid wind searing my skin as I sped through the night sky, the _whoosh _of the air as it rushed through my loose robes and slammed into my bare legs. It was fresh, new, crisp. It cleared my head and my never-ending headache dissolved, to my intense relief. The confused, crowded thoughts began to sort themselves out, one by one.

First, Lily. Of course, I thought bitterly, she's always first. The ever-present image of her face came to my mind: her green eyes, her slanting brows, her high and smooth cheekbones, the little mole on the edge of her chin, and her hair – her straight, scarlet hair that hung down to the middle of her back. The hair I'd probably never touch. My heart started beating faster almost automatically. I shut my eyes and managed to block out her face.

She hadn't been in the common room when Briony had made her announcement. For that I was immensely grateful and sent a prayer of thanks to whatever had kept her away. It was not like she'd have cared, though. She might have been wondering if her best friend had lost her mind, but other than that I was pretty sure she would not have given it a second thought. Or maybe she would have done. I realized I didn't know. It was funny how all I thought about was her, and yet I knew nothing about her, other than her reputation as an outgoing, party-loving, who-gives-a-shit-about-studying kind of person who had a new boyfriend every other week. The latter should have said it all about her, but somehow I didn't think the image she had given herself was a very accurate one.

Here I was again, I thought irritably, obsessing over Lily. Once again, I thought back to what Sirius and Remus had advised. I knew I could never truly forget Lily, but as I soared through the cold night air, I made the decision to try. I had been stubbornly stuck in one place for so long and now it was about time for change. The day's events had brought just that in the form of Briony. I suspected that the only reason I had so immensely enjoyed her kiss was because of the kingdom of hormones currently in possession of my head, but perhaps I would grow to like her in some other way and perhaps in time Lily would fade into distant memory. I knew that it was what I needed.

My thoughts turned to the scraps of parchment, and I frowned, but I didn't open my eyes. What _were _they? Love notes? It certainly seemed like it. It also seemed as if they had been pulled from some sort of poem. At the moment, though, I was at a loss as to which poem it was, whether the poet had been a wizard, and if the lines were in order or not. Not to mention who the hell they were from.

It couldn't have been Briony. I had found the first note before she had even acknowledged my existence, let alone announced me as her new boyfriend. But who else was there? That cute girl from Hufflepuff who had shyly asked me to go with her to Hogsmeade the previous year? No, she had sat behind me in Transfiguration all through fourth year and had asked me to check her work a few times – and her handwriting had not resembled the one on the notes.

My ride ended as it had begun: with a sigh. I was still confused about a lot of things, but as I descended onto the thick, dewy grass once again, I was sure that from now on, things would be different.


	4. Chapter 4

4

[MONDAY]

"Mister Black, if you'd to me the pleasure of please shutting your mouth, thank you, then perhaps I will consider _not_ having you help Mister Filch bathe his cat after class. And believe you me, Mister Black; it is a _long_ and _grueling_ process." Snickers sounded throughout the classroom and Professor Burbage smiled sarcastically at Sirius when he turned from me to look at her in surprise. "Do I have your attention now, Black?"

"Yeah, whatever," Sirius replied offhandedly and ran his fingers through his hair as he leaned back casually in his chair, balancing it precariously on its two back legs.

"Good."

She turned her back to continue her pacing down the room, and Sirius immediately turned to me again. "Why are we taking this dumb class again?" he whispered disgustedly.

"Well," I reminded him, "I seem to remember me wanting to take it and telling you not to, because you would ask me that very question in every single lesson." I shrugged. "I could be wrong, though."

A wolfish grin started to spread slowly over Sirius's face as the memory came to him. "Nah, I don't think that was it," he joked, only to be rudely interrupted by the teacher again.

"Black," she warned, "one more time I catch you talking to Potter and you'll be getting the tub and cat shampoo ready. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Sirius responded automatically in a loud voice.

"Now, I was saying," Burbage continued, resuming her pacing, "that in spite of the great prejudice commonly held for the intelligence of Muggles, and the many _jokes _that have been made about it" – here she looked pointedly at Sirius – "there have been – and many of you, sadly, might be surprised – certain incredibly clever non-magical folk outside the world that you are used to. For example, their knowledge shines particularly brightly through their literature."

I could feel Sirius seething beside me – I knew he hated it when people assumed he was just like his family (_Prejudice, _I could almost hear him thinking scornfully) – and I would have turned to sympathize with him, maybe call Burbage a few rude names, but I was too busy hanging on her every word.

"Some of you may have heard of the famous magical poets," Burbage went on. "But there are very few, as opposed to the hundreds upon hundreds of non-magical ones. D. H. Lawrence, H. G. Wells, Ernest Hemmingway, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson, Agatha Christie and even some that date back to before Albus Dumbledore was thought of – such as the world-renowned William Shakespeare." She said the name like it was something sweet on her tongue, and paused as if to taste it before going on. "He is often hailed as the most brilliant writer of poetry and prose across the Muggle world. And today's Muggle Studies class is about his one hundred and fifty-four sonnets."

There were disbelieving whispers of "One hundred and fifty-four?" all around the room, and Professor Burbage had to raise her voice over the hushed noise in order to be heard. "I will not, of course, make you study all of them, so there's no need for all this noise, please."

When the class had quietened down somewhat, she carried on, "There are five in particular I would like to consider in today's lesson. They are Sonnets 1, 18, 60, 73 and 94. The class will be divided into five groups, each of whom will receive one poem. After a quarter of an hour, having studied it and interpreted it to the best of their abilities, each group will swap poems with the adjacent group, until all of you have had a chance to look at every poem. And…" She cleared her throat. She seemed a bit hesitant to continue, but she did anyway. "It may help to have some extra information." She paused. "Shakespeare dedicated all of his sonnets to a man whom he thought very beautiful, praising his beauty and encouraging him to have children in order to conserve that beauty when he was old and withered."

There was a moment of sound silence. A half-second later Sirius erupted into laughter, and the rest of the class followed suit, some people even going so far as to bend double and clutch their stomachs as if it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. I remained silent and didn't join in, rapt with interest for the first time since I could remember being in a class. This time the professor waited for the din to die down before she added, rather icily, "William Shakespeare was an incredibly brilliant man. And he was married. To a _woman_."

She then strode over to her desk and riffled through a neat stack of parchment before she found what she was looking for. The class waited as she held up a thin sheaf of paper and then set it back onto the desk, a frown creasing her forehead. I saw her mouth silently frame the words "One, two, three, four," as she flicked through the pages, but it stopped there. She said out loud to the class, "It seems that I have misplaced Sonnet 18. I'll see if I can find it for next class, and we'll work with number 97 instead for now."

*

I felt queasy as I exited the classroom with Sirius. Sonnet 18 had been missing…But I didn't have time to think about the fact that the love notes I was receiving might have originally meant to be from a man to another man, because next moment I spied Briony practically skipping down the corridor through the rush of swarming students to meet me. As soon as she arrived she pressed her lips to mine, sending my navel jolting, and then pulled away to give me a dazzling smile. Or maybe it just looked dazzling. It could have been the halo of stars passing in front of my eyes.

"Hi, boyfriend," she chirped.

"Hi," I smiled awkwardly back at her without catching her eye. Looking over her shoulder, I suddenly noticed Lily standing in the background and waiting for her friend. Her dark red hair hung over her face, and she seemed to be fiddling with something in her hands. My heart did an involuntary skip, but once again, I didn't have time to dwell on it because I looked back at Briony to see that her eyes were narrowed. There was a thick silence.

"You're supposed to say, 'Hi, _girlfriend_', James," she said, her voice menacingly low.

A relieved "oh" slipped out my lips before I cleared my throat and corrected myself. "Oh. Hi, girlfriend."

Instantly her mood changed back into the disgustingly cheerful one it had been before. "Well, I was just going to grab some lunch," she said, the merry smile returning to her lips.

"Well, it's lunchtime, after all," I replied nervously, earning a laugh from Sirius which made me jump, as I had only just remembered he was standing there.

"No, silly," she tittered. "What I meant was, come with me?" She held out her hand like an innocent kid and batted her eyelids. I had no idea what this was supposed to mean. Did all girls act like this nowadays? I wouldn't know; I hadn't spoken to one in two years until now. If so, I thought, I'd prefer not to be around them very often.

"Um," I said, distracted. "Sure. Yeah, sure."

"Come on then!" She let out a high-pitched giggle, grabbed my hand in hers and proceeded to literally drag me out of the corridor, leaving Sirius and Lily behind. I caught a glimpse of him on the verge of touching her shoulder before we rounded the corner and they disappeared from view. I blinked. _What the hell was that about?_

We arrived at the Great Hall to find it packed with students, something I abhorred and tried avoid at all costs. But I decided not to risk angering the unbelievably jolly girl who was now pulling me by the hand to the Gryffindor table and occasionally looking back to shoot me smile after smile. We plopped ourselves down on the benches lining the wall-to-wall table and Briony announced that she was hungry before promptly pulling me in for another kiss. God, this girl was persistent.

I obliged for a while – because I'm just a nice guy like that, I guess – but when my stomach gave a loud growl, she pulled away, looked down at my belly and giggled. "I think someone's hungry," she said playfully. Really, Briony? I wanted to say. No way. She touched my nose with her index finger and laughed again, the sound like tiny chiming bells – she liked to laugh a lot, this girl.

"Come on, let's eat."

No sooner were the words out of her china doll mouth than I had grabbed the chicken wing in the plate closest to us and bit into it hungrily. After a minute of blissful chewing I felt a pair of eyes boring into me and I looked up to see Briony frowning at me in disgust. "Ew, Jimmy, don't eat like that, please. Have some manners." She picked up a wing daintily – her pinky finger sticking out, the works – and barely scraped the sauce off the meat with her teeth. Her blue eyes became round. "Scrumptious!"

I blinked at her in disbelief. _Jimmy? _

It may have been the anger building up in my lungs that made me think it, I don't know. But, although I knew it was true that Briony was very skilled in the art of kissing, I had a feeling I wouldn't like anything else about her. This was going to be a long, long road.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello, all :] Like I said before, a lot of people have been favoriting this and putting it on alert but I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU REVIEWED. This thing is not getting enough of them! COME ON, PLEASE? :) If you have time to read it, you have time to review it! *death glare***

**Plus, it's my birthday this Saturday. Birthday review? **

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5

[TUESDAY]

I wasn't watching where I was going.

I was walking down the stone corridor, on my way to the dungeons for Potions. Sirius was already there, I knew, because I was incredibly late – having stayed up half the night again, I had failed to wake up and even after Sirius had _Levicorpus_'d me, I had just flopped back into bed and fallen right back asleep. Now, as I practically ran down the corridor, I was busy rummaging through my bag and didn't expect to slam head-on into someone going the opposite way.

"Shit," I gasped as my half-open bag slipped off my shoulder, its contents spilling out onto the stone flagged floor. I looked up to see Lily Evans – my heart stopped – standing in front of me, dazed and shaking her head to clear it. My throat closed up; I was unable to speak for a moment.

"Um," I finally managed. "um. I – I'm sorry." My heart stared again, but now it was going abnormally fast.

She looked at me, seemingly surprised, as if she had thought she had bumped into a wall instead or something. I saw that her wide eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, and the corners of her pink lips were turned decidedly downwards. She had been crying. Immediately concern flooded me.

"What's wrong?" I said, before realizing that she barely knew of my existence and that consequently I was probably being nosy. "I mean," I began, but I stopped there, because now tears were filling her eyes again, causing her green irises to twinkle like wet grass. I had no idea what to do, so like the genius that I was, I stood there with my arms by my side and my half-empty bag at my feet – and watched her cry.

She bent her head and her red hair fell over her face, hiding it from view. I stood with her for a few awkward moments while she cried, and then suddenly she looked up. The tears were gone but had left evidence on her cheeks in the form of dried tracks. When she opened her mouth to speak my breath hitched in my throat.

"What are you looking at?" she barked, and I automatically took a step backward.

"Um, nothing," I mumbled, not looking at her. My tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of my mouth. "I was just – leaving."

I ducked my head and side-stepped around her to crouch down and collect my things, still avoiding her eyes. She did not move, and I began to stack my books in a neat pile on the stone floor. To my great surprise, Lily suddenly bent down as well and began gathering quills and now-empty inkpots in her hands. She handed them to me silently, without looking at me, and then turned again so that all I could see was the veil of her hair. She pulled out her wand and with a silent spell cleared up the ink splattered on the tiles and wall. As she worked, I looked sideways a couple of times to steal glances and flashes of her, to store in my memory and sift through later – but she constantly eluded my gaze.

When everything was safely in my bag, she stood up without a word and strode down the corridor until she reached the double oak doors at the end, which she threw open with surprising strength and walked through. I was still looking after her when the doors slammed shut, listening to the echoes of her footfalls bouncing repeatedly off the walls.

The echoes stopped and it was so quiet I could hear my heavy breathing. I had forgotten all about being late – my mind was stuck on Lily and what had just happened. A while later I had regained enough feeling in my limbs to notice that I was clutching something in my fist, something with sharp edges. I looked down and opened my palm to see a crumpled piece of paper sitting there.

It was streaked with a pale pink dye.

Slowly, carefully, I smoothed it out and read the next message.

_Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,  
__And often is his gold complexion dimm'd,_

Okay. This was the third one. And either I was incredibly unobservant, or the girl who was sending me these was extremely surreptitious. Because about one thing I was absolutely sure: That note had _not _been in my possession until a few minutes ago.

*

[WEDNESDAY - NIGHT]

I paused, put my quill down beside the parchment I had been writing on, clenched and unclenched my fist a few times and then picked up the quill again. At least Slughorn's detentions weren't so bad. If he had told me to do anything other than sit in his office and do lines, it would have been the cherry on top of a perfectly miserable day. It was a pretty good deal, now that I thought about it. The sofa I was sitting in was quite comfortable – I counted myself lucky that it had been Potions I had been late for yesterday, because Slughorn didn't _own _any uncomfortable chairs. Besides being physically comfortable, I was sort of enjoying myself as well: Slughorn was unerringly charming guy, and as he enjoyed a brandy and prattled on about who-the-hell-knew-what while I pretended to listen from time to time, I found myself strangely contented. Besides the fact, of course, that my skull-cracking, splitting, splintering headache had returned with full force.

It was the thinking that made this happen. The constant thinking about Lily and bumping into her in the hallway and the pink notes and the staggering possibility that they could be from her – and then the shaking of my head, trying to find some other explanation, because it _can't _have been Lily, she didn't even _know _me, she would never have done that. And then the contradicting myself again, because how else could I explain the notes, she had been the only person I had come across since morning…and it went on like that, an endless cycle of impossible-to-answer questions.

When the thinking reached such a peak that I felt like my brain would implode and there would be nothing but a mess of grey matter in my skull, I would listen to Slughorn for a while to get my mind off things. But this time it was not the severity of my headache that made my ears prick up, rather the mention of a name I recognized.

"…she's excellent at Potions, really," he was saying, "and she's not exactly friendless or anything at the moment, so –"

"What?" I interrupted him, dropping the quill onto the table again.

Slughorn looked at me in surprise from across the room where he had squeezed himself into an armchair. I seriously don't think he had even thought I was listening. "I was saying," he repeated a little louder, "that she's not exactly friendless –"

"No, I mean before that. What did you say about Lily?"

"I _am _talking about Lily, dear boy. And who told you to put that down? Pick it up and start writing again," he said, exhaling and sending his golden mustache fluttering.

"Sorry." I obeyed. "But what were you saying about her before that?"

"I was saying, boy, if you were bothering to listen," he said, trying to appear angry but failing miserably, "that it looks like she's having some problems. At home, I daresay. Because as you've surely noticed, she's always got a gaggle of girlfriends following her wherever she goes" – he smiled at his alliteration – "so I don't think the dilemma is with her friends. I've always been fond of that girl Lily, I have, and I'm quite concerned about her. Keep on writing, Potter," he added warmly.

He took a draught of his brandy and smacked his lips appreciatively before going on.

"Yes. Do you know, I had to send her out of class today?" He was immensely enjoying himself now; he had captured all of my attention and didn't even admonish me when my hand paused halfway across the page yet again. "She didn't do anything wrong, of course – she's always been brilliant at Potions, that girl, and I doubt I'll ever have any reason to punish her – but she had been crying. Quite a lot, I might add. Bawling, almost." He took another gulp from the glass in his hand; the ice inside it tinkled merrily. "Another reason I think she's having problems in her family is that she's been missing lately, hasn't she? She left after her birthday party and was absent for two days before returning today."

I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed this. I tried to make up excuses to myself, that the whole thing with Briony had distracted me, that my headache had interfered. I didn't have time to dwell on it, however, because next moment Slughorn startled me by clearing his throat loudly. I jumped and focused my attention on him again.

"Why were _you _late today, Potter?" he asked, not sternly or as if he was about to lecture me, but on the contrary; his tone was a mixture of geniality and curiosity.

I mumbled something about waking up late, but I don't think he heard me or even cared. He switched to another subject and went on and on about it, not noticing that I had now completely abandoned my task and was sitting there with my hands in my lap, thinking about what he had just told me.

Or that's what I had thought. Because next moment I noticed an unnatural silence hanging in the air and shifted my eyes in Slughorn's direction. His mouth was slightly open and he was regarding me thoughtfully.

"You care about her, don't you?"

*

Slughorn finally shooed me out of his office at eleven at night. I stumbled through the dark corridors, barely finding my way around, and instead of the usual ten minutes it would have taken me to get to the portrait, it was after twenty that I found myself looking up at the sleeping Fat Lady. She had been around for as long as I could remember, and I knew very well that she didn't like to be disturbed from her slumber.

"Em…" I whispered tentatively. "Can I get in?"

She grunted, opened her eyes slightly, saw me and narrowed them. "Detention _again_, Potter? Ugh, when's a girl to get any sleep?" She sighed. "Password."

"Snidget." She swung the portrait open, her eyes fluttering closed again as she did so. Quickly, I hurried up the staircase to the boy's dormitories and opened the door – and for the second time in two days, bumped into someone exiting the room.

I heard a muffled "ow!" but there was no one in sight. This could only mean one thing.

"Sirius?" I said incredulously.

"Keep your voice down!" the voice whispered urgently, and then he was standing in front of me, clutching the silvery Invisibility Cloak in his left fist and rubbing his head with the other hand. He was slightly obscured in shadow, but I could see that he was fully dressed.

"What are you doing?" I whispered back. I looked at the bundle in his hand and sighed. "Sirius, what have I told you about stealing? See, it's just not considered acceptable…"

"Shut up!" he said irritably, waving his hand in front of my face. I looked at him in shock. "Jeez, calm down. I was just…what are you doing?" I repeated as he leaned his head around me to peer into the dark, empty common room.

At my question he shifted his gaze back to meet mine. I was frowning at him. Something was up. "I was just…getting something to eat from the kitchens," he replied lamely.

I raised one eyebrow. "Sirius," I said sternly, to let him know I was on to him.

"What?" he said innocently.

"You're meeting a girl."

Suddenly his expression changed, became serious. He took a breath. "Yes."

"Who is it?" I asked, grinning slyly at him.

A lot of unexpected things had happened to me over the past few days. Kissing Briony and becoming into her boyfriend. Discovering strange extracts from a poem that had been written by a possibly gay man, stuffed and hidden in my various possessions. Finding out that Lily had been missing for two days because of some difficulties she was having at home. I was just beginning to think that nothing else could surprise me. But one thing was about to be added to the list – entitled The Most Unexpected Thing of All – and that was Sirius's answer.

"It's Lily," he replied, staring me dead in the eye.


	6. Chapter 6

**O-kay. I don't know where this chapter came from, but I love it. But you should be aware that I'm rating this one M – and no, there is no sex, so don't get excited, you perverts – because there is a lot of heavy swearing involved. Cover your eyes when you get to those parts, or whatever. They just had to be there.**

**Also... THIS IS A BIRTHDAY CHAPTER :D So make my wish come true...and REVIEW! :) **

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6

"Wh-What?"

I stared at him, open-mouthed. Gradually a memory fought its way through the swarming thoughts in my head and presented itself to me, and I watched it as if it was happening in front of me again. Sirius, his face clouded with concern and his brow creased as he reached out a hand. Lily, her hair half-covering her face, looking at his hand resting on her shoulder, then up at Sirius and giving him a beautiful, sad smile. The memory vanished behind an oak-paneled wall, as if I was rounding a corner…

I swallowed, fought the bile rising in my throat. "Sirius," I said, and I tried to make it sound calm, but it came out menacing and low. I licked my lips. "Sirius," I tried again, "what's going on between you and Lily?"

He didn't reply. In one swift stride I narrowed the distance between us, so that his eyes were level with mine. I could see shock behind the grey irises, but I wasn't about to take his shit. "Tell me." It came out louder than I had intended. I heard a sound behind me, but I didn't move – not until I heard a soft voice say, "Sirius?"

She was standing there in a white cotton nightie and a cardigan which she was clutching over her chest protectively, looking up at the pair of us worriedly. There were dark circles under her eyes. "Sirius, what's going on? Who is this?"

Who is this? She didn't know who I was. She didn't know who the fuck I was. Something snapped inside me and suddenly I was livid. When she saw how abruptly my expression changed, she took a step back and repeated, sounding scared, "Sirius…"

"James," I heard him say behind me, and I knew he could tell I was mad. "James, don't take it out on her. She didn't do anything."

I whirled around so fast that I didn't even realize I had said the words before they were out. "And _you _did something, didn't you? 'Sirius, Sirius,' she says, because she _knows _you – she doesn't even know I exist but she _knows _you, and you know her, and instead of telling me, Mr. Popular, Mr. I'm-so-embarrassed-to-be-James-Potter's-best-friend, instead of fucking telling me –"

"James," Sirius said again, his brow set in a straight line and his arm outstretched. "Calm down."

"I will NOT calm down!" I yelled, probably waking the whole castle up. Sure enough, I could see people poking their heads out from behind various doors, sleepy but interested. But I didn't care. "I _won't _calm down, Sirius, because you didn't tell me – you probably meet her like this every night, don't you?" Students were now gathering outside their half-open doors, wearing nightgowns and bathrobes and nighties and pajamas and shorts, irritated and interested and rubbing their eyes sleepily. "You probably come down here every single night and make out with her and shag her like there's no tomorrow – that's what you _do, _isn't it, that's what Mr. Popular is known for –"

I could see Sirius was getting angry now too, and a weird sense of satisfaction came over me. Lily was still behind me on the foot of the short staircase. "James," he said for fiftieth time, "stop talking. You don't know what you're talking about. It's not like that. We don't do any of that –"

"Oh, _sure _you don't!" I laughed dementedly, rolling my eyes derisively. "Sure you don't, Sirius, of course! It's not like you don't do that with _every single girl you've ever dated_ –"

"Shut up," he said quietly. "Just shut the hell up."

"No, I won't! You deserve it! You sonofabitch, you knew her! You knew how much I – you knew my – and you didn't tell me! Instead, you go off meeting her in the middle of the night and –"

"You're with Briony now!" he shouted. "What does it even matter? You have a girlfriend, and like you said, it's _never _going to happen with Lily, James, _never _– because she doesn't even know you _exist_ –"

I lunged at him. My fist connected, hard, with his chin, and he didn't even miss a beat before retaliating by pushing his own fist into my nose. I felt cold liquid erupt on my face before I lost my balance – and then I was rolling down, down the stairs, and I heard a scream and then another and then another – I heard the portrait burst open and McGonagall's voice yelling, "What on _earth _–" and then there was blackness. Blissful, sweet blackness.

*

I opened my eyes to see the absolute last person on earth I would have liked to, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Jamesy!" Briony squealed, seeing my eyes open. "He's awake! Oh my God, he's awake!" She turned and made an urging gesture with her hands, and then four more people came into view.

Remus ran a hand over his face and shook his head. Peter stood there, looking mouse-like and terrified.

Sirius came closer while Lily hung awkwardly in the background. He was sporting a bruise on his chin that seemed to be just after healing, and his expression was a strange mixture of anger and concern. "You idiot," he whispered, looking pale, "you goddamn idiot. Look what you made me do. Oh God, look what you made me do."

I was lying in the hospital wing, and everything was stark white, including everyone's faces and Lily's nightie. I tried to say, "I'm fine," but when I opened my mouth my jaw muscles seemed to contract – and then they were infused with a horrible pain. I shut my mouth again, my eyes welling up with tears.

"Don't say anything, you moron," Sirius said oxymoronically, while the rest of them looked on worriedly. "Madam Pomfrey has mended your nose. She's also cleaned up your bruises and regrown the teeth I knocked out, but everything's going to be sore for a while." I couldn't tell whether he said this with relish or anxiety.

He turned to the others. "I need to talk to James alone – could you guys…?" he trailed off as everyone started to file out the door, Briony looking grumpy. As Lily passed him he reached out and put a hand on her arm. When he saw my eyes fixed on the point of contact, he quickly withdrew his hand and said softly, "No. You stay." I hated his voice. But I didn't try to speak again.

Lily obeyed, and took a few steps backward until she was at a respectable distance from the bed. She looked at the floor, and for the millionth time her face was concealed from me by her long red hair.

Sirius turned to me again. "Okay, so you're going to want to know some things."

I wanted to say, _No shit, Sirius, _but I kept my mouth shut.

"First of all…" He ran a hand through his short hair. "Lily and I...we're not dating." He paused and turned to look at Lily, who seemed to sense his gaze because she looked up and nodded before hanging her head again.

"Lily…is having some problems. She needed my help. A friend to help her get through it. That's all, James. That's all she is to me, a friend." He looked at her again, but this time she kept her head down.

So this was what Slughorn had been talking about.

When he turned back to me he didn't meet my eyes. He started fiddling with his fingers. "And I can't tell you what's going on with her. It's sort of…her business."

My eye twitched. Sirius noticed this. "You're probably also wondering why, if it's her business, she would tell me." I nodded yes, with some effort. "James…I've known Lily for a long time – since third year, actually. You were right, I should have told you but I never did because…well…" He stopped again. Closed his eyes. "James, Lily is not the person who she used to be. This thing that's happened, it's made her realize a lot of things, and she's changed. But a few years ago – heck, a few days ago – she was someone who would have hurt you. Badly."

I looked over Sirius's shoulder at Lily. She didn't react to his words and didn't look up. I kept staring at her as Sirius went on, "You're my best friend, James. I know you, inside-out. And I know Lily and you just wouldn't have worked out."

Silence met his words. After a few minutes of fumbling with his fingers in his lap, he said, "James, is that what you thought?" He sounded slightly wounded. I looked at him questioningly. He raised his eyebrows. "Mr. Popular?"

I didn't reply. I couldn't, could I?

Eventually he rose and left the room. I had some idea why he did this. As he closed the doors behind him, Madam Pomfrey stuck her head out of her office and caught my eye, giving me a sympathetic smile. I smiled back, but at the same time I was thinking disgustedly, _Does the whole school know? _

Now it was only Lily and me in the room. She seemed not to notice Sirius's departure, but when the sound of his voice faded she raised her head, took in his absence and swallowed. After a moment her eyes strayed from the closed door to me, lying on the bed like a frail kitten. I swore silently, before it hit me that my headache seemed to have subsided.

Tentatively, Lily neared the bed and hesitated a bit before sitting gingerly on the edge of the white sheets. Finally, I could see her profile, which was no longer hidden by the veil of her dark red hair. I saw that her eyes, which were turned away from me, were puffy and red again, and they still looked sunken in shadow. Her gaze was fixed on a spot on the white floor. She looked so sad.

I surprised myself with what I did next. Tenderly, I covered her small hand with my own firm one. She looked up at the touch.

And then, Lily Evans smiled at me.

It registered through my elation that it was a sad smile. Whatever had happened had left her utterly miserable, and suddenly I felt the urge to know what it was, to help her like Sirius, to get her through whatever was going on and guide her to the end until I could see that sad smile light up and become one that went with white teeth and twinkling, happy eyes. I wanted – needed – to make her happy again. But at the moment, lying in bed at the hospital wing, recovering from both the physical effects and shock of my first actual fist fight, I could do nothing, nothing but sit there and hold her hand and watch her smile sadly.

Then she spoke for the first time, and her voice was an angel's. "You know, I kind of pieced it together," she said, her eyes soft and her smile still in place. "The reason why you hit Sirius."

Oh, man. This was _not _how I had imagined the scene would go. Countless times in both my dreams and my waking hours, I had concocted different ways by which I would let Lily know about my liking her since the first time I had ever seen her – giving her a swooping kiss on the lips, bending on one knee and giving a dramatic confession. But not like this. I winced.

"Oh, does it hurt?" she asked anxiously. She put a hand on my cheek kindly and I closed my eyes, savoring the contact. "I'm sorry, should I – should I get something for you?"

"No," I whispered, and just like that, the pain in my jaw was gone. Lily looked scared, as if I was a mental patient. I remembered Madam Pomfrey's smile before repeating croakily, "No, that's okay." I cleared my throat lightly and swallowed. Silently she conjured a glass of water and handed it to me. I drank deeply, until it was all gone, and licked the drops off the edge of the glass before giving it back to her. I felt much better. As she placed it on the nightstand beside the bed, I said, "Thank you."

She nodded. There was an awkward silence.

Then I said, "You said you pieced it together." She looked at me and nodded again.

"I did."

I didn't need to ask her to make sure. And the hopeful expression on my face must have said it all, because then she was saying, "I'm – I'm sorry. I would love to go out with you, I would, really. But after everything that's happened…I just don't have the strength to face relationship drama right now." She played nervously with the ends of her hair as she said this.

It was ironic. The first time I was hearing, from Lily's own perfect tiny pink lips, that she would love to go on a date with me, and I was crestfallen. Desperately, I tried to change her mind. "There won't be drama, I promise. We'll keep it simple…"

But she was shaking her head. Tears filled up her eyes again. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and I knew how aware she was that my whole world was crashing down about my ears. She closed her eyes and seemed to collect herself. Opening them again, she added hopefully, with a half-smile, "We can be friends, if you want."

There they were. The words either party in any relationship never wanted to hear. Not that Lily and I were in a romantic relationship, or ever would be. But I had to admit, this was better than I would ever have bargained for. This offer of friendship was something I had never realistically thought would come my way – it was beyond my wildest dreams. And I had to take it.

"Yes," I replied. "Let's be friends."

She laughed then. It wasn't a real laugh, sort of just a gust of breath, but it was something. "Okay, what do you want to know about me?"

I answered her with a questioning look.

"Well, we're friends now. Let's get to know each other. What's the first thing you want to ask?"

So many things. I had always wanted to know countless things about her, and now she was telling me to shoot – it was incredible. But I knew I had to ask the simple questions first, save the very personal ones for later. "Do you prefer treacle tart or cinnamon rolls? Because I always see you eating either of them in the Great Hall, but I never figured out which one it is you like better…"

She smiled. "Treacle tart. It's always been my absolute favorite."

I filed this information away. "Okay, do you think wrock or Celestina Warbeck is better? Honestly, I can never understand why people even _listen _to her records – she's awful –"

"I take it that wrock is your choice in this case," she said with a grin, "but it'll never outdo the shining brilliantness of Celestina's music. Besides, she always tops the charts anyway – she's _way _better."

I winced. "Touché."

Then she asked a question of her own. "What's your favorite color?"

"Black," I answered readily.

"Really? Why? Don't you think that's kind of, I dunno, somber?"

"It's mysterious," I explained dramatically, widening my eyes, and she laughed. "Shrouded in enigma. How many brothers and sisters do you have?"

She held up a finger. "One sister, Petunia. She's a year older than me, sixteen, and she's a right pain in the backside." I laughed. "She's got a boyfriend, a big, ugly one – his name's Vernon – and she keeps saying she's going to marry him some day. If you ask me, I hope she does. Those two are so uptight they're absolutely perfect for each other." She paused. "I like yellow, by the way."

"And I've got no siblings. From what I hear from people, I shouldn't want any, but I dunno, I always thought it would be kind of cool to have a little brother. Teach him stuff, you know? Quidditch and things. Be his big brother." I smiled wistfully. "After what you just saw, though, I think you'd agree that I wouldn't be able to beat anyone up for him."

"Well, I think you'd make a great older brother," Lily said, smiling widely and winking. I couldn't believe this. Maybe I was still knocked out from falling down the stairs. We were talking, I was making her smile, my jokes were making her laugh.

"Do you play Quidditch, then?" I asked her, and then mentally slapped myself. You don't talk about sports with girls, I could hear Sirius saying.

She looked surprised. "No, no I don't. I've always been too scared to go anywhere near a broom. It looks like a lot of fun, though."

"Oh yeah," I replied enthusiastically, unable to stop myself. I wanted to share everything with this girl. "Yeah, it is – God, it's only the best feeling in the world to ride on a broom. Hey, maybe I could teach you some time." I laughed. "You look terrified."

She seemed to realize this, and rearranged her features so that she was relaxed and smiling again. "I kind of am. But maybe I'll learn someday." She paused, then frowned. "You're not on the team, are you?"

I cleared my throat nervously. "Nah," I said, shrugging and trying to be nonchalant about it. "Sometimes I throw the Quaffle around with Sirius, and I am pretty into matches and stuff, but mostly I fly to just, you know, clear my head."

She nodded and smiled. "You know, Lily," I said, "you should smile more often. It changes your whole face."

She looked away, her face slightly pink. I was amazed. Had I just made her blush?

When she didn't reply, there was a short, comfortable silence, in which we simply smiled at each other. After a moment I posed my next question, only to regret it seconds afterward.

"Who's your favorite person in the whole world?"

Immediately, her expression changed. The ends of her lips pointed down and her mouth opened slightly. The sparkle that had been in her eye while we talked instantly vanished and she cast them downwards again. "Well, um," she said, not looking at me. There was a pregnant pause.

Then she looked up. Her eyes were empty, hollow. "My dad," she replied, trying to smile and failing.


	7. Chapter 7

**YAY! I got AWESOME reviews for the last chapter and for that I want to give a huge virtual hug to my reviewers. You guys ROCK :) **

**I want to point something out before you start reading though. A lot of people had said that they liked how James and Lily's personalities are switched - but I want to acknowledge that this idea, sadly, does not belong entirely to me. I built up on it, certainly, but the original idea belongs to a friend of mine here on fanfiction and in real life, too - she came up with it when she suggested that we write a fanfiction together. She wanted to make James a complete nerd, though, while I stuck to making him a likeable, timid little guy. Also, I had planned to bring out Lily's mean side in this, like she originally planned, but I haven't, really.**

**But please note that here I am still talking about the idea of _swapping their personalities. _The rest of the plot belongs to me. **

**I still want to dedicate this chapter to her, though, and let her know that this wouldn't have been possible without her genuis. The reviews were for her as much as they were for me. I love you and I miss you so much! Hope you come down to Dubai soon :)**

**Okay, so on with chapter 7. **

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7

[THURSDAY]

I woke up very early feeling refreshed and elated for the first time in what seemed like ages.

The first thing I remembered was that Lily and I were now friends. I leapt out of bed in my boxers and did a little dance, my hair flying in all directions. The loud music blaring in my now ache-free head was interrupted suddenly by Sirius coming out of nowhere and yelling, "JAMES!" right in my face.

I stopped dancing immediately and looked around frantically. "Whatwhatwhat?"

"I was just trying to get you to stop already," Sirius said, grinning. "What happened yesterday at the hospital wing?"

I smiled blissfully and sighed. "I tell you, Sirius, I have captured that girl's heart. Pretty soon she's going to be falling all over me."

"Seriously? God, I've never seen you so happy," he said, laughing. All animosity between us seemed to have dissipated; we were talking as if nothing had ever happened.

"Okay, so maybe I haven't quite captured her heart," I corrected myself. But then I winked and added, "_Yet. _She's agreed to be my friend. We talked so much, it was great. And" – I was practically gushing now – "Sirius, I made her laugh!" I spun around with my arms outstretched, almost whacking Sirius's head off his shoulders, and then stopped and strummed at an invisible electric guitar, laughing all the time. "Oh yeah!"

"Wow, James, that's great. That's really great." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Good for you, mate."

"Yeah," I sighed again. "It's so weird, though, because the other day I bumped into her in the corridor and she didn't know me and she helped me with my things but _not a word, _Sirius, not a word – and then yesterday we were talking so much, it was so –"

"James." He said it so seriously that I stopped babbling and looked at him.

"What? What's up?"

"I've got to talk to you. About yesterday."

So much for talking as if nothing happened. "But I thought you told me everything at the hospital wing."

"Yeah, _I _told you everything. But due to your unfortunate inability to speak" – I smirked; this was his way of apologizing to me for breaking my nose – "_you _didn't tell me anything."

"First enlighten me, Sirius," I said cheerfully, flopping down on the bed and folding my hands behind my head on the pillow, "what exactly do I need to tell you?"

He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed and wrinkled his nose. "Take a shower, you pig," he laughed. "You stink."

"Smell of victory, mate," I replied irritably without missing a beat. "Victory at having finally taken Lily captive under my spell. Now tell me what the heck you're talking about."

He sighed. "I wanted to talk about Mr. Popular," he confessed in a rush, ripping the band-aid off quickly.

I didn't reply for a moment. Finally, I said slowly, "Look, just forget about that."

"I just think you need to realize you're not the complete loser you seem to think you are. You're a decent guy, I know that, the others know that, and Lily knows that, so who cares what anyone else –"

"Sirius," I intervened. "Drop it."

He did. _Thanks for ruining my morning_, I wanted to say.

Without looking at him I set my feet on the carpet again, strode to the open bathroom door and shut it loudly behind me. Once inside, I hung a deep red towel on the rack behind the tub and took a quick shower. As I rubbed shampoo into my hair, I tried to appreciate the fact that he had brought that issue up, instead of the part where I accused him of sleeping with every girl he ever came across. But I couldn't do it.

Once I was out with the towel around my waist and my hair sopping wet, there was no sign of Sirius. As I threw on a pair of jeans, a faded T-shirt and my school robes over them, I realized why he must have left. I was going to be late again. I decided to skip breakfast and head straight for Transfiguration.

On my way there, there were several people passing through the corridors on their way to breakfast. I supposed I was still pretty early, but I decided to keep going – I wasn't that hungry anyway. I got looks from most of the people I recognized as Gryffindors, probably because of last night's events, but I ignored them until I reached McGonagall's class.

Naturally, the classroom was empty. I went straight to the back of the room, sat down and began piling my things onto the desk. For a while I sat in silence and out of boredom rearranged my books and wand so that they were neat in the corner. When still no one entered the class, not even McGonagall, I opened my notebook and tore out a piece of paper. I was about to open my bag and rummage around for a quill – I had been planning to doodle for a bit – when I noticed two scraps of parchment lying on top of the page I had just ripped out. It seemed they had once been one piece, but had been pressed into the notebook and torn into two along with the page.

They were pink.

Not _again._ It had been two days since the last note and with everything that had happened with Lily, I had completely forgotten about the daily letters I had been receiving. I still had no clue who they were from, or any evidence to point me in the right direction. All I could do for now was read them and hope my secret admirer – if there really was one, and this wasn't someone's idea of a joke, as I was beginning to think – would show up and introduce herself (or, God forbid, _him_self).

I peeled the pink paper off the page and some of the dye came off with it, but the message was still readable when the two pieces came together.

_And every fair from fair sometime declines,  
__By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;_

I hadn't kept the other pieces of the poem – because I was now sure that was exactly what it was – and I remembered them vaguely, but I recalled enough to realize that this was going exactly the way Professor Burbage said William Shakespeare had intended. It seemed to be describing someone and comparing them to a summer day, as was obvious from the very first line. These two most recent lines made it clear what was coming next in the poem: At some point in time, beautiful people and things lose their beauty, by chance or by nature's inevitable course – but if you have children…

I heard footsteps and hastily shoved the pieces of parchment into my bag. I looked up to see Lily coming towards me. Her hair was tied in a ponytail that fell to her shoulders, the dark circles were gone, and her eyes were bright green – and mercifully dry. I couldn't help but smile as she slid into the seat beside me and set her bag on the table. Maybe today was looking up after all.

"Hey," I said, my smile widening. "How've you been?"

"I've been better," she replied, but she was smiling as well, and I had never seen her better. "I hate mornings."

"I know, me too. But somehow I manage to get out of them alive."

She laughed and my heart swelled at the sound. "You're smiling," I pointed out. "That's good."

"Yeah, I figured you were right. I _should _smile a lot more. You know, my dad once told me that even if you're having a miserable day, you should go through it with a smile – because smiling actually makes you happier. I never thought it would work, but when I tried it out, I was amazed with the results."

I stretched luxuriously and grunted, "Your dad sounds like a genius, and I completely agree with him. But in the mornings I just can't seem to help frowning instead."

"Uhuh," she said, looking down at her lap. "He was –"

Just then, Briony burst into the room and ran towards us, slipping a little on her high heels as she came to a stop.

Oh, I had been so wrong. Today was _not _looking up. At all.

"Jimmy! How are you feeling?" she squealed, and ignored my flinch at the nickname as she made a little jump and just barely managed not to fall on her face on landing. When she regained her balance she seemed to notice Lily there for the first time.

"Lily!" she added enthusiastically. "I hope you're not trying to steal my boyfriend," she said jokingly. I didn't find anything funny about it. "You know, we've been going out for" – here she paused and thought for a moment, as if it had been an incredibly long stretch of time – "four days now!" She grinned, showing perfect white teeth. Her blue eyes glinted as she came around the seats to join us on the other side of me and slung an arm around my shoulders. "Hey, it's our pentaversary!" she said, laughing.

It took me a while to figure out that she meant the fifth day we were together. I stared at her in shock for a moment. _Penta…pentaversary. _It took some enormous willpower not to burst out laughing.

"Aw, look at that," she said, bundling up the neck of my robes in her small fist and pulling my face closer to hers. "He's just begging me to kiss him. Come here; let me make it all better." She brought me closer so that our lips were nearly touching, but I moved so that I ended up pecking her cheek instead.

I withdrew and turned my head to look at Lily, who was still staring awkwardly at her lap. Her smile had vanished. "Lily –" I began, almost apologetically.

But I was interrupted by Briony tugging at my collar again. I was forced to turn back and look at her now pouting face. "Kiss me properly, Jimmy," she commanded. I hesitated before, not sure why I was doing this, placing my lips on hers. And then something I did not expect happened.

She poked her tongue into my mouth.

And I, startled, did the first thing my instincts told me to do, and bit hard on the tip of her tongue with my teeth.

Briony shrieked and immediately pulled her tongue out of my mouth. "What the hell?!" she screamed furiously. "I'm bleeding!"

I started to apologize, but just then McGonagall's sharp voice met my ears. "That will be enough, Potter, Turner."

I looked around and saw her at the front of the classroom, wiping the board clean with her wand and then turning around too look at us, her hands on her hips. "If you'd like to continue, please do it elsewhere. Miss Evans," she barked, and Lily looked up in surprise. "Why are the three of you already here?"

None of us replied. She let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter. Potter, just be sure not to fall asleep this time – or actually, try to keep away from Miss Turner. I'd like to teach my class without the two of you putting on such a disgusting display."

Briony didn't need to be told twice. Holding a tissue to her mouth, she picked up her bright pink bag, slung it over her shoulder and strode angrily to the front of the classroom. She settled herself there, as far away from me as she could go without leaving.

I exhaled in relief.

*

I exited the class with Lily and Sirius, glad to be rid of Briony for a while. At the end of class, she had lingered beside her desk, as if she expected me to come over and apologize and profess my love for her – which I should have done, really, except that last part – but when I did no such thing, she stormed off to our next class without me or anyone else to accompany her.

I didn't particularly care, either, and nor did I feel guilty for not caring, as I might have done. Briony was stressing me out. I now knew what Lily had meant by relationship drama.

Burbage was already at her desk when we arrived. As we settled ourselves behind our desks and got ready for Muggle Studies, an idea struck me and I turned to Lily. She was staring at the head of the room with worry creasing her forehead.

"…still haven't recovered Sonnet 18, I'm afraid," Professor Burbage was saying. "We'll have to work on number 97 until the end of this project. Alright, first group – tell me what you made of number sixty –"

That was the least of my problems right now. I waved my hand in front of Lily's face to get her attention. She turned to me, her eyes unfocused.

I started to talk, but she still wasn't paying attention. "Lily!" I finally said, exasperated.

"Hmm, what?" she asked, seeming to snap out of her reverie.

"What was that all about?"

"Oh –" She went pink. "Nothing. Never mind. What were you saying?"

"I was kind of wondering if you could do me a favor."

She smiled. "It depends on what it is," she replied, her eyes twinkling playfully. Students began to file in and take their seats.

I half-smiled, and hesitated. "Well…you've probably noticed that Briony and I don't get along that well." I didn't want to complain about Briony to her, because I knew she was one of her best friends – even if I hadn't seen them hanging out together ever since Lily got back – so I was being cautious.

She seemed to notice this, and looked at me more fully. "James, I've been her best friend since third year. I know what a complete pain in the butt she can be." She was still smiling as she said this, so I relaxed a little.

"Yeah, that's why I need your help. Briony and I…it's complicated." I paused, and then threw caution to the winds. "Actually, it's pretty simple. She's whiny and clingy and she acts stupider than she is and I can't stand her. She's always forcing me to make out with her, and as much as I enjoy that from time to time, I can't keep doing it. It gets gross. And – and she's always _laughing_ – she's just _always _doing it…"

I looked at Lily nervously. "Too much?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry. I've heard it all and more."

"Right." I took a breath. "The point is, Lily, I'm…asking you to break up with her for me." I winced at how that came out sounding and cautiously watched Lily's face for a reaction.

She looked a bit hesitant. Finally, she said slowly, "Okay, this is a hairy situation you'll be putting me in. But…I'll do it – at a price."

I was relieved. "Sure, of course. What is it?"

She pointed across the room at a blond boy sitting by the window and chatting to his friends. As I watched, his hair slowly turned black and – it could have been a trick of the sunlight filtering into the room and falling on him – it seemed like his nose was changing shape as well. "See that guy?" Lily said. "He's a Metamorphagus. And I" – she pursed her lips – "am supposed to be his girlfriend. If you break up with him for me, I'll break up with Briony for you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, how's it going, everyone? Just want to say that there's a certain joke in this chapter that you might not get if you're under thirteen...but don't get too curious about it. If you ask someone what it means, you might end up embarrassing yourself as well as getting a little grossed out. So yeah. I'm just emphasizing on the T rating :)**

**THANK YOU, MY REVIWERS :D You guys are truly awesome. But what happened after that huge amount of reviews that chapter 6 got? I thought a lot of people got interested... I expected more response :P Oh well, what can I say but R&R? **

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8

[FRIDAY]

When I had seen him from across the classroom, he hadn't been this big.

But now, Friday afternoon, as I watched him approach the doors to the Great Hall for lunch, his hair an electric blue, I could see clearly that he was enormous. And what made it worse was that he was surrounded by a group of his equally large friends.

I was standing in the doorway. He brushed past me, and I was about to call his name – William, oh the irony – but I when I saw him and his friends settle themselves at the table nearest to the door and furthest away from the Gryffindor table, my voice died in my throat. I looked after him in shock for a moment, and then turned back and walked towards our table, where I found Lily and plopped down next to her on the bench.

"So," she said in a business-like tone while buttering a crumpet, "did you do it?"

"Clearly, I didn't." I leaned forward and put my hand on her wrist so that she stopped slathering the pastry with butter. She looked at me. "Lily," I said, raising my eyebrows, "he's in Slytherin."

"Yeah, well," she snatched her hand away from my grip and bit into the crumpet. She swallowed, looking away. "I kind of already knew that."

"And why, pray, didn't you _tell _me this?"

"Look, I'm not proud of it."

"Obviously," I said, and then added casually, "How did you end up with him, anyway?"

She cleared her throat. "It was at my birthday party." She paused, hesitated. Turned to me. "You know, what Sirius said was true. In the hospital wing."

"Refresh my memory."

"It's just…I'm not the person I used to be."

"Well, okay, but what's that got to do with –" I began.

She broke me off. "I made out with him. At my party." She paused again while I digested this, and then inhaled before continuing. "I didn't even know who he was, but I was like that – he was good-looking, and when he started kissing me I was drunk and I liked it, so I didn't stop him. He said we had to do this more often, and then he asked me out, and I said yes."

"Oh."

"That's all? Oh?" She looked anxious. I couldn't help wondering why. Was it because she was worried I would keep thinking of her as the kind of person who she used to be, or for some other reason entirely…?

"Yeah. What else should I say?"

"I don't know, I thought you'd have a different reaction."

Her hand was resting on her thigh under the table. I reached out and curled my fingers around hers. "Look, Lily, I know you're not that girl anymore. It may have only been a few days since I've known you properly, but I feel like I've been talking to you for years. And from what I can see and what Sirius said, you've changed a lot – for the better – in a space of only a few days. That's an achievement."

She smiled. I couldn't help it; it was contagious – I smiled back. "Yeah, I guess," she said modestly.

Then I felt her disengage my hand from hers and lightly push it off her thigh. I thought back to what she had said about not wanting to handle a relationship, and I couldn't help but feel slightly rueful. But she was still smiling. "You're right about feeling like we've been talking for years, you know. It's amazing how easily we click."

I nodded. Then something struck me. "Hey…wait. If he's in Slytherin, how the heck did he end up at your party in the _Gryffindor_ common room?"

She paused for a moment to think about this. "You know, I actually have no idea. Someone must have let him in, though I can't imagine who. Whatever it is, I know I didn't invite him."

"Weird."

She nodded and agreed, "Very."

There was a short silence; I reached for a steak-and-kidney pie and placed it on the plate in front of me. I was about to cut into it when she said, "Isn't that a bit heavy for lunch?" Looking over, I saw that she was now enjoying a fruit salad.

I took a bite off my fork and said, grinning with my mouth full, "At least it's not rabbit food."

She laughed and whacked me with a napkin. "You pig. Close your mouth and eat."

I opened my mouth wide so she had a full view of my half-chewed lunch. She grimaced mockingly and laughed again. I swallowed and then said, "You know, that's the second time I've been called a pig for absolutely no reason."

"Really? Who is this brilliant person who _groundlessly _accused you of being a pig?"

Sirius sidled over, excusing himself multiple times as he bumped into legs and people looked up from their lunches impatiently. Finally he managed to squeeze himself beside Lily. "Speak of the Sirius," I whispered to Lily, who giggled, before Sirius leaned forward and he and I said at the same time, "Where have you been?"

Lily laughed between us. "I think I can explain this."

We looked at her at her simultaneously.

"Sirius went to look for you when you were off doing, well, you-know-what," Lily explained, addressing me.

Sirius gave me a horrified look. "James, you don't have to share that information with a girl –"

"No!" I said, equally disgusted, "God, no! I was _not _doing that. I was…busy."

"Busy doing what?" he asked impatiently. "And why does Lily know?"

"I'm right here, you know," Lily intervened again, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, then tell me where the heck James was all this time I was looking for him."

Lily and I looked at each other. Sirius caught the looks on our faces and sighed. "Okay, what's going on?"

Lily faltered slightly before giving me a slow nod. I told him about our deal to break up with each other's partners. When I was done explaining, I didn't know what to make of the expression on his face. I had thought he was going to be highly amused at the new development, but he didn't look it – he looked angry instead, but also like he was trying to hide it.

Later, as we were making our way back to class, he whispered to me that he needed to tell me something. Confused but curious, I followed him to a seat near Flitwick's desk where Remus and Peter were sitting, engrossed in conversation. Lily looked a little disappointed, but was caught by a bunch of her friends and was forced to go and sit with them anyway.

As they bustled away I noticed Briony among them, and she regarded me evilly through bloodshot eyes. I suddenly felt very guilty.

Sirius was looking stern as Flitwick walked in and perched himself onto the stack of books piled on his chair. Charms was the perfect lesson in which to have a private conversation, what with all the chaos of people getting new spells wrong with disastrous results, so I wasn't worried that he or anyone else would overhear us.

"Look," Sirius began, "I think I can see what's happening."

I gave him a quizzical look. "What's happening?"

"That's right," he said, while Flitwick began demonstrating an incantation in his high-pitched voice. "You're moving in on her."

"What? On Lily?" I was surprised. "What makes you say that?"

"You basically asked her to dispose of your girlfriend, and then she asked if you could do the same with her boyfriend. I can't help but noticing, that leaves room for you to…" he trailed off, gave me a look full of meaning, didn't continue. He knew I'd understood.

I was a bit pissed off that he would think this. "I'm not doing anything. I…well, honestly, I didn't want to face breaking up with Briony myself. What's wrong with that? And besides, it's not like it's my fault Lily asked me to do it for her, too." As I said this, it hit me that Lily hadn't told me about her progress with Briony, but I didn't mention it.

"And that's another thing. You don't go asking people to break up with your girlfriend for you, James."

I frowned. "Sirius, forgive me, but I guess I have a lot to learn. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay, but just try not to make your relationship with Lily anything it's not. Fine?" He raised his eyebrows, looking expectant and worried that I would get angry at the same time. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately, so I decided to cut him some slack. Besides, however grudgingly I admitted it to myself, I knew he was probably right.

"Sure, okay. I'm not arguing or anything, though, but could you tell me why?" I kept my tone as conceding as I could.

He sighed. "Like I said before, and like I'm sure she explained to you, she's going through a difficult time. Just be her friend for a while. That okay?"

Our conversation was nonchalant, but I could sense the strain in the air. He was desperate for me to do this. I wanted badly to ask what the hell was she going through that was so bad that she couldn't have a boyfriend, but I decided to let it go for now.

"Yeah. Perfectly –"

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, concentrate!" said a squeaky voice. We looked up to see not Professor Flitwick, but Lily standing there, her hands on her hips, having just done a spectacular imitation of his voice and grinning triumphantly. I burst out laughing and put a hand on her shoulder.

"That was bloody brilliant, Lils!"

I could feel Sirius eyeing me beadily.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey! Well, this is chapter nine, one of my favorites, and hopefully one of yours too. I would love love love it if you reviewed, pleeeease? Please please please? I'm seriously thinking of bribing you now - I'm disappointed that I don't get enough reviews as I expected I would when I started posting this. Guess I was over-confident :P I WOULD like to thank prongster, though, who has continuously reviewed every chapter since she found out about this story. THANK YOU! (hug) **

**Just, please review :P **

**Oh, and I'm sorry all those people who put this on alert, you must have gotten a lot of e-mails saying I had updated when I really hadn't. That was my fault . Aaand it might happen again. But everytime you check and there's no new chapter, just ignore it. But DO keep checking. **

**Oh yeah - this chapter's rated a strong T because of some raging teenage hormones. **

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9

[FRIDAY – SATURDAY]

My eyes opened to meet the blackness of night.

There had been a noise. I had been sure of it. I turned my head slightly to glance at the others, but they were all sleeping soundly. From five years of sleeping in the same room with these guys, I knew the only sound to be heard at night was Peter's snoring, which never woke us up anymore because we had grown accustomed to it.

So this new sound had to be something else. Or some_one _else?It could be somebody lurking in the darkness and looking for a new place to hide a small pink slip of parchment…

I sat bolt upright in bed, the covers flying off me, and convinced I had finally caught my admirer/prankster in the act, I was on the verge of yelling "AHA!" on the top of my lungs when there was a very feminine gasp and a soft whisper – and then a tiny globe of light flickered to life in mid-air.

"L-Lily?"

She was standing there, shivering in a thin blue tank top and pajamas printed with tiny sheep, and shakily holding her wand, which was glowing at the tip. Her hair was a mess and looked like she'd been running her fingers through it all night. She also looked terrified, as if I was going to hit her.

I couldn't believe it.

Then she seemed to realize who I was, and her face relaxed.

"Oh, James, thank God. You scared the heck out of me."

I was thoroughly confused. Had I been wrong? "What are you doing here?" I whispered. It came out sounding harsh; she flinched.

"Sorry. I could leave if you want me to," she began, turning toward the door again.

"No, no, stay," I said in a hasty whisper. She stopped and turned around again, her arms by her side. I tried to see if she had anything clutched in her fist, but there wasn't enough light. I reached over to my nightstand and lit the candle stub. "What's up? Come here."

She came closer and drew her arms over her chest to keep herself warm, hiding her hands from view. I swore silently to myself, desperately torn between concern for the fact that her teeth were practically chattering and my desire to know if she was hiding a pink note on her person. But when I suddenly realized how close she actually was, I was unable to think of anything else. A pleasurable pain flared up in my stomach.

"Um," I said, my throat finally unsticking, "back up a little?"

"Oh! Sorry," she apologized again. "I'm just so cold."

I looked across the room at a jacket draped over my chair by the window; I didn't want to get out of bed because I was wearing nothing but my boxers since the covers kept me sufficiently warm at night. But she followed my gaze, padded over to the chair and lifted the jacket onto her shoulders. It hung loosely on her small frame, but she seemed much better. "Thanks," she said gratefully, even though I hadn't actually gotten up to get it for her.

"No problem," I said, drawing my knees to my chest and clutching the red covers closer to me. Then I grinned. "You still haven't told me what you're doing traipsing around in my dorm at one in the morning."

"Yeah, um." She cleared her throat. "I just told Briony about the, um, thing. About you wanting to break up with her."

I raised my eyebrows. "You did?" I hated myself for adding, "And?"

"And…she got really mad. I mean crazy mad. She threw a pillow at me, but I'm sure if there had been a shoe around at the time, she would've picked that instead." In the half-light her face was worried.

"Oh…oh God, Lily, I'm really sorry," I said sincerely. I knew Briony had been her close friend. At this thought, I felt a pang of guilt: it might be my fault that Lily and Briony were probably now going to be in a fight. At the time, though, it didn't occur to me that I'd also hurt Briony.

"No," she said, to my surprise. "Don't be. I don't mind, honestly." There was a short pause, and then she added, "There's a problem, though. It might sound crazy, but after Briony had her fit, I got this impression she's going to want revenge."

Although her tone was light and only jokingly ominous, I felt dread creep into my heart. This did not sound good. "What does that mean?"

"It usually means she'll start going out with another guy almost immediately and always try to be around you to make you jealous."

I was relieved. I could probably handle that well.

"But in Briony's case it might be drastically different."

I frowned. "You could've lead with that."

"Sorry," she said. "I'll help you through that, though. Trust me, you're going to need it." A faint smile ghosted her lips – I knew she was trying to add some humor to the situation – but it quickly turned into a large yawn.

I laughed quietly at her. "Someone's tired."

She blinked sleepily. "Yeah. That's the reason I came here. I can't sleep over there, in my dorm, because she's giving me hell. Screaming, crying…No one else can sleep either, but they're trying to comfort her."

"And you're not?" It came out without my meaning to. I didn't want her to feel bad about something that was my fault.

But she didn't seem to mind. "No, and I don't think I will," she said, and I was slightly surprised she was being so casual about it. But then she continued, "To be honest…I feel like I can't put up with her anymore. She was never a good friend anyway and she's done things worse than this to me. I don't think I'll be sorry to lose her." She paused. "Also…ever since I started hanging out with you, I feel like I've been missing out. You're just so…normal. I can talk to you seriously as well as joke with you but…with her it was always this boy, and that boy, and the boy who catcalled when she passed by, and the boy who tried to kiss her – know what I mean? There was always so much drama." She shook her head. "Look at me. I'm babbling now."

"Yeah, you kind of are." She looked at me; I grinned and she grinned back. For a moment, her speech – particularly the part about me – rang pleasantly in my ears. Then I said, worriedly, "Are you sure, though? I mean, in third year, when you guys started hanging out with each other…I never saw one of you without the other. It looked like you were having a great time being her friend."

"Yeah, James, I did. But over the years…people change. It's me, I've become different, and not only because of what…happened."

She stopped then, and neither of us spoke for a moment while the mystery of what exactly had transpired when she had left school for a day hung in the air. Or rather, it was a mystery to me. The tense feeling was probably actually the knowledge on both of our parts that she wasn't telling me what it was.

"So," she said, breaking the tension, "can I crash here, then?"

I smiled. "Sure." I hesitated, looked at her nervously. "I need to get up. Can you…turn around?"

Mercifully, she didn't ask why. But I thought I could hear a smirk in her voice as she said, "Yeah, sure." She turned her back and I extricated myself from the covers.

I padded over to the heavy oak wardrobe and swung open the doors, looking for the spare blankets we kept there in case it ever got too cold. Hauling them out, I turned away from the cupboard to see Lily facing me. She had taken off the jacket and replaced it on the chair. Although the heavy blankets were covering my bare chest, I felt goose bumps erupt on my arms and my face turned pink. My throat became too clogged up for me to say anything, and she didn't speak either. In silence I walked around the bed and laid out the blankets into a little warm nest on the floor. I plucked one of the many cushions off of my own bed and threw it down onto the makeshift bed.

When I stood up and saw Lily watching with interest, it suddenly became very cold. Or maybe the goose bumps on top of my goose bumps were the result of something else. She caught my gaze, saw my shorts, and looked away awkwardly. My heart pounded in my throat.

"Um," I said. It was all I could get out.

She seemed to agree. "Yeah." She paused before adding, "I'll go, um, in the morning. Before anyone wakes up." She gestured to Remus, Sirius, and Peter's sleeping forms on the other side of the room – because it felt as if she and I were in a bubble alone together – and I nodded.

I turned and blew out the candle. She whispered "_Nox_" to her wand, which extinguished itself, and then we were standing in the dark.

In the silence I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and I wondered if she could hear it as well. It suddenly struck me as odd that none of the others had woken up, not only because of the racket my heart was making, but also because of my and Lily's whispered conversation. I decided I should just be relieved, however, that they were knocked dead and hadn't heard anything. I didn't want to have to explain anything in the morning.

I lowered myself to the rudimentary bed and was on the verge of pulling the blankets over my freezing body when suddenly I felt something cold touch my shoulder – and I gasped, realizing it was flesh. I sat up quickly and blood rushed to my head, making me dizzy, and when my vision cleared I saw Lily's outline on the blankets. Her face was obscured in shadow, but I knew she was looking at me. Then she sat up as well.

My heart didn't seem to want to stay in one place – it was in my throat, my chest, my ears all at once, jumping around erratically. I, on the other hand, was frozen in place and couldn't speak. We stared at each other for what seemed like four hundred years but what was probably only a few seconds – but if I thought anything out of the ordinary was going to happen, I was going to be severely disappointed.

I did, and I was.

She whispered, "I'm sorry." It struck me that she probably meant more than accidentally lying down next to me. The scene from Wednesday night was replaying itself in my mind's eye. _You knew her! _I had yelled in Sirius's face, while Lily stood frightened at the foot of the stairs._ You knew how much I – you knew my – and you didn't tell me! Instead, you go off meeting her in the middle of the night and –_

"I thought you were going to sleep on the bed. Sorry. I…"

She didn't seem to know what else to say. Finally, I managed weakly, "Are you crazy? I'm not going to let you sleep on the floor." I swallowed. "Get on the bed. I'll sleep here."

"Are you sure it's o –"

"Get on the bed."

Without another word, she stood up and clambered onto my bed in the dark. I lowered myself onto the floor again and lay down, facing away from the bed. I clutched the covers to me and heard a rustle as she did the same.

I didn't sleep.

At some point during the night – it could have been hours or even minutes later, I didn't know – I realized she wasn't asleep either. At first, I thought the sniffles I could hear emanating from behind me were only the result of a cold. But as they gradually turned into hushed, soft sobs, I knew that Lily couldn't sleep for some other reason entirely.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Bonjour, mes amis. **

**This chapter's rated a strong T for some swearing.**

**I'm feeling kind of stupid that I updated this so fast. There are only three chapters and an epilogue left, and there aren't enough reviews :/ So please, make all the effort I put into this worthwhile, and review for me :) (I swear, that was NOT emotional blackmail. -shifty eyes-) **

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10

[SATURDAY]

At noon the next day I awoke to find myself in my own bed on my stomach, breathing into the pillow. It had been the sweet smell I was inhaling – Lily's shampoo, though I hadn't realized it then – that had roused me. I sat up and looked around.

She was gone.

Of course. I recalled the events from the night before, pictured her saying, her face hidden in shadow, that she would leave in the morning. I remembered how I had hoped so badly that something – anything – would happen, as we stared at each other in the dark, her whispered apology, and then her quiet sobs when we had separated ourselves. I remembered the dream I had had of her when I had finally fallen asleep.

I shook my head and lifted myself out of bed. My feet touched the bed I had made on the floor last night. I looked down and something pink caught my eye.

Ever since I had bumped into her in the hall last Tuesday on my way to Potions and found myself holding the third note after she'd left, I had suspected Lily of leaving them to me. And yesterday, when she had crept into my room, I had been willing to bet all of my possessions that she was the culprit. But now, as I looked down at the newest message, despite the obvious evidence – the fact that she had been in my room last night – I no longer believed that it was her. Because if she admired me, she could have done anything last night, in that frozen moment after we'd both laid down in the same bed – touched me, kissed me, perhaps even told me. But she hadn't. She had only told me that she was sorry that she couldn't do any of those things. She was not the sender.

Blindly, I grabbed the nearest thing in my reach – a red and gold cushion, as it happened – and hurled it across the room. It hit Peter, who was still lying spread-eagled on his bed with his mouth wide open, and he jumped and blinked his eyes open, focusing them on me. "What was that for?" he asked, looking as if he was afraid he had done something wrong.

I didn't answer. Suddenly he spotted the pink note on the floor, saw me staring at it furiously. "What's that?" he asked quickly.

My head shot up. I looked him dead in the eye. "You want to know what this is?" I said, my teeth clenched. "I'll tell you what this is."

I bent down, scraped it off the blankets, and strode over to his bed – I did all of this so fast that he was sweating when I arrived at his beside, not knowing what had just happened. I crumpled the bit of parchment in my fist and shook it under his nose. His watery black eyes followed the motion of my hand nervously. "This," I whispered, "is nothing. It's nothing, do you hear me?" He jumped again; my voice had risen to an incredible volume. "It's nothing, it never will be, it's meaningless! It's got _nothing _to do with her, nothing! She's not the one!" I yelled dementedly.

Somehow through my blind anger, it registered that he had absolutely no idea what I was raving about. But I didn't care. "You see, it's not from her. It never was! And I tried and tried to convince her to – but she wouldn't – because of this dumb _thing _that's happened that she won't tell me abou –"

I stopped. Peter looked more terrified than ever at my sudden silence; he didn't say a word but watched me carefully. All my attention was now fixated on the piece of paper in my hand. As I had waved it around in front of him, it had unfurled, screaming its message to my face. I didn't notice as I scanned it, though, that the handwriting had changed ever so slightly from the last note – because I was too stunned by what it read.

_But thy eternal summer shall not fade_

And below that, in bold letters that had been traced by a sure, confident hand:

_Meet me in front of the kitchens at one past one tonight. _

*

I descended the stairs and looked around the Entrance Hall, which was milling with students going in and out of the Great Hall, some of them bedraggled, some having just finished lunch. The hall was buzzing with the noise of a thousand students, old and young, chattering cheerfully about who-knew-what. Some were carrying stacks of toast and bacon and shoving past me on the staircase, some were laughing and exclaiming to each other while patting their stomachs, "God, I'll never go hungry again –" I spotted a couple sitting together on a bench tucked away in an alcove, their lips locked and their hands wrapped together. The girl had red hair. I looked away.

It was a typical Saturday afternoon, only not typical at all.

I heard someone call my name and saw Sirius grinning at me from the doorway to the Great Hall, waving me over. I stepped down the last few stairs and fought through the crowd to join him.

"Hey," he said, noticing my distracted expression. "What's going on?"

"Huh?"

"You look weird. Did something happen?"

I looked at him full in the face. "No."

"Oh." He looked confused. "Well, you overslept, obviously. Come on, let's get some lunch."

He pulled me through the crowd to the Gryffindor table. I spotted blue hair on the other side of the Hall and remembered I was supposed to break up with Lily's boyfriend for her.

As we squeezed ourselves on the benches behind the table I asked Sirius, "Where's Lily?"

He swallowed the bite chicken pie he had been chewing and said, "I dunno. I haven't seen her since morning. I guess she's still asleep, or something."

Or maybe she's up in her room crying again, I bitterly added to myself. There was a short silence in which Sirius chewed slowly and I stared at my empty plate. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

"Listen, Sirius, what's going on with her?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

He looked at his pie, avoiding my eyes, and began picking pieces of chicken out of it. "Look, I told you I can't tell you that."

"But why _not?_" I asked exasperatedly. "I mean, what's so big that you can't just –"

"Have you ever stop to consider," he said, looking up at me now, his tone steely, "that it might be something she just wants to keep quiet?"

I shook my head. "I swear, I won't tell anyone –"

"James, I'm not going to tell you. She asked me not to talk about it with anyone. That includes you." He paused. "Just because you're her new best friend now or something, it doesn't mean you don't have to worry about the meaning of trust."

I ignored this comment, pleading desperately, "Sirius, I won't tell anyone. I swear on my father's life I won't say a word."

He looked at me, suddenly livid, and I lapsed into fearful silence. "See," he intoned, his eyes blazing, "that is something you should not have said."

I didn't say anything. He continued busying himself with his pie. Then, "I'm going to look for her."

He didn't stop me as I rose and bustled out of the Great Hall and up the marble staircase.

*

I jogged up to the portrait of the Fat Lady and skidded to a stop in front of her. "Password?" she said, her tone bored.

"Snidget!" I said urgently.

"Sorry, that's not it."

I blinked. "What?"

She sighed, rolled her eyes. "The password changed last night. No one tell you?"

I wanted to scream. _This _was why Sirius hadn't stopped me from going upstairs!

"Lily!" I blurted frantically.

"Nope, that's not it either."

"Argh!" I yelled, lifting my eyes up to the heavens, "you _know_ me! It's James Potter – I'm a Gryffindor! Just let me the hell in –"

She looked astounded. "Well, no one with _that _kind of mouth is going to enter _my _common room –"

"Let him in."

The new voice was loud, commanding. I spun on my heel and saw Professor Slughorn standing there, all splendors in bottle green robes and a tall, pointed hat. His hands were behind his back; his stern eyes were fixed on the portrait.

"But, Professor –"

He spoke again. His voice boomed throughout the empty halls. "Let him in."

His eyes turned to me, grew soft. "He needs to see someone."

I heard the portrait creak as the Fat Lady grudgingly obeyed with a sigh, but I didn't turn around yet. I simply stood there, looking at Slughorn bemusedly. I couldn't say anything.

He gave a slow nod. "You're welcome."

And then he strode away.

*

I climbed slowly through the portrait hole and saw Lily sitting on one of the couches by the fire, staring into the flames, her back to me. Her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and one of the sleeves of her cardigan had slipped, revealing the bare flesh of her shoulder cut into by the strap of her blue bra. There was no one there; everyone was downstairs either enjoying lunch or breakfast or the sunshine.

When I came around and put my hand on her shoulder, she jumped and looked up. Her face softened.

"Hi," she said, and the smile on her face was beautiful.

For the millionth time since I had known her, set eyes on her on the train that very first day, my heart stopped at the sight of her smile. I was flooded with something so warm, so delicious; it rose to my throat so that I couldn't speak. And then I realized I didn't want to know. Not now. I would wait until later. Because I didn't want to ask her, not at the moment, when she was looking so nice, so happy, so peaceful. I knew that at every mention of what she was not telling me, her face would cloud and then the tears would come. I didn't want to make her cry. And so I didn't ask her.

Nothing mattered, not the notes, not her problems or mine, not Sirius. All that mattered was that she was here and she was beautiful and I wanted to tell her, so badly, so badly.

"Hello," I replied, sitting next to her. "You're smiling."

"Yeah," she said, and she seemed to find this amusing because she laughed then. I closed my eyes and listened. It was such a pretty sound. "Yeah, I am."

There was a comfortable silence. We both stared at the flames while I thought about the night before and she thought about, I was sure, the unnamed family problem.

Then she spoke. "James."

I looked at her beautiful face. "Yes."

"Thank you," she said, and her clear green eyes were so full of gratitude that they looked more enrapturing than ever.

I put my hand on hers. It felt soft under mine. She did not move it away. "What for?" I asked softly.

"This. Being here. It's helped me a lot." She turned her eyes so that they were fixed to mine, green to hazel. A rainforest of emotions. "You're helping me get through this."

"Help_ing_? It's not over yet?"

She didn't reply for a moment, gazed into the bright orange flames in thoughtful silence. Then, without looking at me, "I don't think it will ever truly be over."

I watched her profile, admired the perfect curve of her nose and the shape of her lips. I was too caught with her to ask her what she meant. "You're welcome," I said, my voice raspy.

Again, silence. The only sound was the crackling of the flames.

And again, she broke it. "So, you still haven't told me," she said, a twinkle in her eye, "did you tell William about me breaking up with him?"

She was talking about her blue-haired boyfriend. "No, not yet," I told her.

"Come on, James. You have to do it at some point. I closed my end of the deal."

"Yeah, well, you're braver than I am."

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying that Briony is _not _eleven million times more dangerous than William?"

I laughed. "That's a good point, I'll give you that, but at least _you_ don't have to break up with a guy with muscles the size of Russia for me."

She shuddered. "I sincerely hope not," she said jokingly, and then peered at me. "I would never have to do that, would I?" She gasped mockingly. "I'd never have pegged you as a gay man, James Potter. You've been keeping secrets."

I chuckled. "I would never keep secrets from you, Lily Evans."

"That's good to know."

"Okay, but seriously. That guy is huge. What if he freaks when I tell him and starts growing tentacles out of his ears, or something? You've seen me in a fight." I laughed. "I can't throw a punch to save my life."

"Unless it's for someone you love," she said, and my eyes grew wide, but then she added, "like your hypothetical little brother."

I winked. "Oh, yeah. _That_ guy. I'm not so sure I'd punch someone for him, though."

"Why's that?"

"Because he's always taking things from my room. He's stolen my broom once, my wand twice, and my only pair of clean pants exactly fourteen times." I paused. "I was pantsless for weeks," I complained, pretending to sob.

She laughed and looked away, hiding a secret smile. At the sound, I felt an invisible fist clench around my heart. "You know, Lily," I told her quietly, "you should laugh more often."

She turned to me again, admonishing me, "Now, you've already made me promise I'll smile, but I can't do everything you tell me to, James P –"

But she didn't continue. Couldn't. Because suddenly my mouth was on hers, and she wasn't pulling away, and her lips were cold and soft and I couldn't believe this I couldn't believe this I couldn't believe this. My eyes closed; her eyes closed. It was the most wonderful feeling – my hand resting on her jaw, and the curve was just right, and the shape was just right: this was _Lily_'s face I was touching, these were _Lily_'s lips I was kissing and I couldn't believe this, I couldn't believe this.

I never wanted it to end.

But it had to. I pulled away and looked at her. So beautiful. Her eyes were still closed, as if she were dreaming that it was not over. I saw the lump in her throat move up, then down as she swallowed silently. Keeping the taste of me with her. But then her eyes fluttered open – angel's wings – and she saw me watching her and she whispered, "I'm sorry."

She stood up and her body was straight and stiff as a rod. "Lily," I said. Desperately. No. Please don't go. Not now.

"I – I have to go," she said shakily.

"Lily."

"I have to go and find the notebook." This should have been my first clue – my millionth clue. I had had a million fucking clues laid out for me and I hadn't seen anything.

She started to walk away. I was frozen on the couch.

"No. Lily."

"I'm going, James."

She was at the portrait hole. "I'm sorry."

She turned towards it. But it swung open before she could pull the door.

"No! Lily!" I was leaning over the back of the couch; my arm was outstretched; and I was sure that, when Sirius saw the look on my face from where he stood in front of the portrait hole, he understood.

He stared at me, stunned.

My hand fell limply over the back of the couch.

And then he turned away and followed her out of the portrait hole.

*

[SATURDAY – NIGHT]

Way to go, James, I told myself, staring up at the canopy in the dark. _Way to go._

Today I had effectively driven away two of the best friends God had ever given me. Two people who would have stuck by my side, defended me, accompanied me wherever I went, and supported me through anything I did – gone, because of one stupid mistake. Because of one stupid, lovely mistake: kissing Lily.

I tried to relive it, to feel the feelings I had felt when my mouth was on hers, but all I could think of was that she hadn't wanted it, she hadn't wanted any of it. I sighed and rolled over in bed. I suspected this was going to be yet another sleepless night.

But then I remembered something. It was amazing it could come back to me at a time like this, but it was the sight of my watch that triggered the memory. The bright blue glow-in-the-dark numbers read 12:57 A.M.

_Meet me in front of the kitchens at one past one tonight. _

Three minutes later I was skidding to a stop in front of the portrait of the fruit bowl with the ticklish pear, clutching the Invisibility Cloak to me. When I pulled it off, several pieces of paper fluttered out, and startled, I picked them up off their various places on the stone floor to read them by the light of my wand.

_Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; ONE PAST ONE_

_Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, ONE PAST ONE_

_When in eternal lines to time thou growest: ONE PAST ONE_

I looked at my watch. It was one past one.

I heard a sound. Glanced up. And then I saw the composer of the love notes coming down the narrow hallway, and I refused to believe my eyes.

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	11. Chapter 11

**DARK SECRETS UNVEILED...**

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11

China blue eyes. Long, sandy blond hair. A perfect figure and kissable lips. Lips that were now screwed up in an ugly, sadistic smile.

It was Briony.

"Hello, James," she said, her voice laced with malice. "Funny seeing you here."

I was dumbfounded. Thunderstruck, speechless. Everything but the fact that _she _had been the one, all this time, escaped my mind. I couldn't think.

She took a step forward. "You're not a very nice person, James."

Lily's kiss was somewhere in the back of my mind, floating vaguely, uncertainly. Then the memory of another kiss brought itself forward, and then it hit me.

Of course. Briony had been sending me the notes, pretending that it wasn't her. She had been delighted when something had finally happened between us. And devastated when I bit her tongue, drove her away, and appointed someone else to break up with her for me.

And now she was angry. _Very _angry. _After Briony had her fit, I got this impression she's going to want revenge, _I could hear Lily saying.

"You know," she was saying now, coming nearer all the while like a cat about to pounce, her voice dangerous, "I've never had someone diss me like that. It's always been me to dump a boyfriend." I was sure she was going to bring up the notes any second. "I didn't know exactly how it would feel to be the rejected one. But now, thanks to you, I do."

She paused. I was still too flabbergasted to speak. "And I don't like it." She shook her head, eyes blazing. "Oh, no. I do not like it at all."

She stopped walking, regarded me critically. "If you had been someone who was actually worth looking at," she said icily, "I might be a lot less merciful."

Wait a second.

"The notes," I finally croaked. "That was you – wasn't it?"

"Oh, James." She shook her head pityingly. "You are so stupid."

I only had time to think, _What?_ before she was suddenly pulling out her wand and pointing it in my face. "_Petrificus Totalus!_" she screamed, and I felt myself go rigid and fall to the floor with my arms and legs locked in place.

She advanced again until she was standing right over me. I guessed that she had worn pointy heels just for the occasion, because as she looked down disgustedly at me, she positioned one of them right over my face, between my eyes. "You can tell this to every boy who wants to date me," she spat. "_You don't dump Briony Turner._"

With that, she placed her foot on the floor again and cast a Hair-Thickening Charm over me for good measure – I could feel my already unruly hair spiraling in all directions and falling across my chest. I looked up at her desperately.

Then she extracted a thick notebook from her coat pocket. The pages inside it were streaked with pink dye, and there was another piece of parchment, white in color, poking out from between the pages. I had a fleeting glimpse of the words _summer's day_ at the top of the pagebefore she dropped the book on me and it landed upside-down on my face – and then everything when black.

"Make sure you give that back to Lily," I heard her say sarcastically.

Briony's receding footsteps – click, click, click – echoed in the empty hallway, and then it was silent.

*

Finally. The pieces were falling into place, one by one, sending a shock through me each time.

As I lay there in the darkness with my wand two feet away from me and yet out of reach, I stared up at the inside of the book and began to understand.

Lily had stolen Sonnet 18 from Professor Burbage.

Lily had copied out fragments of the poem into her pink notebook.

Lily had sent me the notes.

Lily had, after all, left me that one when she had bumped into me on my way to Potions. Lily had, after all, dropped that one on the makeshift bed on Friday night.

And Briony, furious at being dumped by someone for the very first time – someone like _me_, no less – had in turn pilfered Lily's pink notebook along with the poem. Printed out the latest four lines. Sent them to me to lure me here, so that she could have her revenge.

It was so simple, so perfect. So agonizingly stupid.

All of that, just because Briony was an insecure little brat who had experienced the taste of disappointment for the first time in her life.

But that wasn't all I was angry about. No, what made up most of my rage was the fact that all this time, Lily had been sending me these extracts from what might be called a love poem, all the while telling me that she didn't want to be with me. And I knew, was absolutely sure, that she was aware of how badly I wanted to be able to kiss her without her pulling away, to be able to hold her hand and run my fingers through her hair and talk to her without tension hanging in the air…and yet she had denied me. Turned me down, countless times. Why had she done it, if the notes were from her?

I stared up at the ceiling for so long – or it felt like it, but I couldn't be sure – until finally I heard footsteps approaching and a familiar voice saying "_Finite_." I stretched out my aching limbs, able to move again, and scrubbed my chin – the hair was gone. Then I sat up and saw Lily and Sirius crouching over me in their night things, worry written all over their faces. I found out later that they had been in the boy's dorm together, talking about what I had done earlier that day, when they had noticed my absence, discovered the note summoning me down here, and gone in search for me.

For a moment all that could be heard in the hallway was the sound of our breathing. Then, "James, what happened?" Lily's voice was terrified.

For the first time since I had known her, I was angry at Lily. I turned to her, my nostrils flaring. "I think that's something you need to tell _me._"

She looked scared. "James, are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine, but apparently you're not," I replied angrily. "Seeing as how you're delusional, and all."

She and Sirius looked at each other. "What the hell are you on about?" Sirius questioned.

"I'm talking about this!" I exploded, and I pushed my hands into my pockets, brought them out and showed Lily the last three pieces of pink parchment. "What is this? Huh, Lily?" I shook them under her nose violently, and watched as her eyes grew wide, comprehension mingled with fear and tears slowly filling the green irises.

"James, I think you better calm –" Sirius began, but I wasn't listening. I was too busy shouting at Lily as the tears spilled onto her cheeks.

"All this time, _you_'ve been giving me these, and I've been wondering who it was and now I know it was you! Why did you do it, Lily? You told me you didn't _want _a relationship! You told me you couldn't _handle _it! Why did you lead me on for no reason, why, Lily, why?"

"Stop, James, let me explain –" she started, her voice thick.

"Oh, yeah, you have a _lot _to explain! Let's start with this _thing _that's happened –"

"James!" Sirius was shocked.

"And you!" I said, rounding on him. "You know about it, what the hell is it, Sirius? You probably also know why she's been sending me these damn poems! You're probably still sneaking out at night –"

"I told you, there is nothing going on between us!" Sirius shouted angrily.

Lily intervened, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Listen, if you just stop and calm down I can –"

I turned. "No! You _knew _I wanted to be more than a friend, and I told you everything, but you didn't Lily, you didn't, what kind of friend does that? All because of this damn fucking thing that happened that prevents you from –"

And then I saw that, through the tears, she was suddenly furious as well.

"Yeah, James, I didn't tell you about it, because I don't go around singing to people that my father killed himself!"

Then she turned on her heel and marched out of the corridor, leaving me gaping after her with the most guilt I have ever felt, coursing through my veins, residing in my heart, bones, being, self.


	12. Chapter 12

**Bonjour, everyone. Again, there's some swearing in this chapter, so again, it's rated a slight M. Ye have been warned. **

**Wow! Only two chapters left. That was hella fast o.o Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter (: **

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12

When we returned to the common room, Lily wasn't there.

It was empty and dark; the fire had burned itself out. Slowly we made our way to the dorm with the help of the light from our wands, neither of us looking at each other. I knew Sirius was furious with me for kissing Lily, but absolutely livid about what I was just after doing. I knew he would let me have it in the morning.

We crept inside, past the other two, and flopped down onto our respective beds, me without undressing. I had been sure I was going to be awake all night, but when my head hit the pillow, my eyes automatically shut themselves. I felt so beat, so exhausted from the day's events and countless sleepless nights, that I fell right asleep.

My sleep was mercifully dreamless, but when I woke the next day after noon, I didn't feel as if I had deserved it – and neither had I deserved Briony's attention, however short a time it had lasted, nor Sirius's and Lily's companionships. I hadn't merited any of it. I felt wracked with guilt and it was with immense difficulty that I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower.

When I was dressed again, I found Sirius sitting on his bed reading one of his Muggle magazines, and there was no sign of Remus and Peter. I looked away from him and started towards the door, but he said, "Wait."

I turned in surprise. He waited, and finally I approached him.

"Sit," he told me, and I did.

"So how's it going?" he asked. His tone was cheerful.

"Sirius –"

He didn't seem to be listening. "It looks like it's going to be a good day out," he said, peering out the window. "We should spend it on the grounds."

"Sirius, what is this about?" I watched his face nervously.

He sighed, dropped the act. "I just think, I don't know, we don't just…talk anymore. It's always about Lily, or Briony, or something else…" He trailed off.

I could hardly bring myself to believe it – he wasn't angry.

I didn't have to.

"I'm still mad, by the way," he said, looking me dead in the eye. "But I won't say anything." I knew he was giving me time to digest the events of the past few days, and I felt gratitude swell up in my heart.

"Thanks," I told him.

"No problem." He wasn't looking at me, but out the window again.

There was a momentary silence. "Her dad killed himself," I finally said.

He let out a bitter noise through his nose. "Yeah."

"Listen, Sirius, I'm sorry," I said in a rush. "For everything I did. For kissing Lily, for last night. I shouldn't have done it. I was desperate and angry." I paused, hesitated. "I know that that is not an excuse for what I did. I don't know what else to say except, very sincerely, that I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything for a while. Then, "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"I know I should apologize to her, and I will, but I also need to say I'm sorry to you. I broke my promise. I told you I'd be her friend and help her get through it without any questions, and I didn't."

I took his steely silence as forgiveness.

But then I took a breath. It had to be done.

"But, Sirius," I said, speaking very fast again, "I can't just be her friend."

He looked at me then, and I could see something like hate in his eyes. I winced, but went on quickly, "I need to be…with her. Or not at all."

He spoke then. "Why, James? Why can't you just be her friend?"

"Because I want to help her. Because I can't do that only with words. Because when she cries I want to touch her face and wipe the tears away with my thumbs. I want to be around when she laughs, and hear it, and tell her it's the best sound I've ever heard, and tell her she's beautiful every single day." I paused. Then I said it, finally.

"Because I love her."

Throughout my life, I had never been sure of myself. I had stood by while Sirius mingled with people that made me nervous, I had looked in the mirror and winced at my reflection, I had stayed up at night wishing for a huge group of friends and an attractive face and Lily. I had always tried to go through it with a smile, all the while hiding a secret uncertainty, but I had never been surer about the words I had only just uttered. I meant them: they went straight from my heart to my lips and came out like a whispered confession, a sad sigh, and they were true.

Before Sirius could do more than gape at me, I was saying, my heart flooding with elation, "I love her. Yes, I love Lily Evans! She's passionate and soulful and stubborn and happy and I just want to be around her all the time – and she makes me laugh so much – and she's so damn beautiful, Sirius, I can't stand it!" I laughed, shrugged my shoulders, threw up my arms. "I love her!"

"O-okay, James, woah," Sirius said, "slow down. You're telling me you actually love her?"

"Oh my God, yes. I've never said anything truer."

He paused. "Then go. Help her. The way you want."

I was incredulous. "You're – you're serious?"

"I've never said anything more honest," he replied, winking.

I leapt up and hugged him. This was not me at all; my most recent realization had somehow changed me, filled me with emotion. He was slightly uncomfortable and patted my back awkwardly. "Don't let Lily see you doing this," he said, only half-joking.

Finally, I pulled away from him, grinning. "Sorry. Had to be done, mate."

He grimaced. "It's okay," he said grudgingly. "Just don't do it again."

"I'm still mad at you, by the way," he added, and his tone was so serious that we looked at each other and burst out laughing.

*

Just like before, I saw her sitting by herself on the couch in front of the fire and staring into it. And just like before, I came around to sit next to her.

But that was when things started to change. Placing her bag on the seat I had been about to occupy, she looked up at me, eyes narrowing, and asked flatly, "What do you want?"

I hesitated. "Lils, I –"

"Don't call me that."

I sighed. "Okay, Lily. I just want to say I'm really sor –"

She rose abruptly and when she spoke her tone was steely. "Don't tell me you're sorry. Just don't."

"But –"

"Don't."

She grabbed her bag and walked away then, leaving me feeling as guilty as the first time, if not more.

I sighed again and plopped down on the couch. She had left a patch of warmth on it where she had been sitting.

Just then, I saw a pair of long legs from the corner of my eye, and I looked up to see Briony standing there wearing a miniskirt that showed off her toned legs, as well as a sneer on her obnoxious little lips.

"Girlfriend dump you?" she asked nastily. I looked up at her.

"Go away, Briony," I said, trying to sound bored.

But instead, she sat down on the couch next to me. "I know how that feels," she said mockingly, as if I didn't know, "and I can tell you, I am enjoying every minute of this."

"Really, go away. No one wants you around."

"No, I'm sitting here now. And besides, it's fun to watch you squirm after you've just had what you put me through," she fired back. "It stinks, doesn't? Poor James, his girlfriend left him and now –"

"As I recall it, _I _was the one who dumped _you_."

She looked annoyed. "I'm talking about Lily, you –"

"I know who you're talking about," I interrupted. "And she's not my girlfriend."

"Oh, of course she's not," Briony sneered, laughing derisively. "Who'd want to even look at you? You have to go around _kissing _people to catch their attention. God, you know, I never even notice you before that day in the common room? It's because you're invisible, you're a loser, and you'll probably die alone because no one ever detected your existence."

I absorbed all of this without comment, and then stood up and started to walk back to my dorm.

"Aw, walking away, Potter?" she said from behind me, and a few people looked up now to watch with interest. I didn't stop. "So you're also a coward, huh? Figures that Lily dumped you. Who'd want to date an ugly, useless, friendless chicken like _you_?"

"Shut up!" I yelled, whirling around. "Shut up, Briony!"

She was laughing now. My rage steepened, and before I could stop myself I shouted, "Ugh, shut the hell up, you insecure _bitch_!"

Immediately, she lapsed into silence. And, of course, my luck being what it was, a boy with rippling muscles came over to stand next to her and put a hand on her shoulder protectively.

The boyfriend Lily had said was sure to come had entered the scene, and he had bright, electric blue hair.

Figured.

"What did you just say to my girlfriend, fag?" William shot at me.

I started to back away, even though he was across the room from me. Now everyone was looking on, rapt with attention; some people were looking at William with disgusted looks on their faces. I realized now that something had been going on between him and Briony from the start.

I turned around and started to slowly walk up the steps, but he blasted a spell at me from behind and I was hurled backwards. I landed right on my butt on the floor next to the couch, dazed and shaking my head.

"Now," he said menacingly, "what did you say to her?"

I got shakily to my feet and faced him. His eyes were inches higher than mine. "Nothing," I said. "I said nothing."

"You called her a bitch, didn't you?" he said, and then he sent his fist flying into my stomach.

"No," I croaked, clutching my gut, my eyes closed, "I called her an _insecure _bitch."

He gave me another punch. I groaned, looked up. "Wow, you're an ugly bastard," I said, not exactly knowing why. "I can see why Lily asked me to dump you for her."

That was it. I had made a slight on his personal appearance. He sent another one my way, this time hitting my jaw, and I was thrown backwards against the side of the couch. People were watching wide-eyed now, fearful, backing away. William leaned down and breathed in my face, "No, that's because she's a slut." He laughed quietly. "I'm shocked you didn't know that your girlfriend gets paid for her services."

My eyes travelled up to meet his. Somewhere through the pain I remembered my conversation with Lily from the day before.

"_Okay, seriously," I had said, laughing. "This guy is huge. I can't throw a punch to save my life."_

"_Unless it's for someone you love," she had replied. _

I was on him then, screaming, pounding every bit of him I could, biting, kicking, pulling hair, and then I looked up, and before I was knocked out for the second time that week, I saw Lily standing at the end of the room near the door, her hand on her mouth and her eyes red with crying. Then – it was all so familiar – I blacked out.

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**Yes, that seems to be happening to him a lot lately. But like I said in the first incredibly long author's note, the span of time is kind of impossible. **

**I'm particularly proud of the part where James corrects William - "No, I called her an _insecure _bitch." :D Just felt like pointing it out :P**

**So review and tell me what you thought :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**False alarm, guys. I just had to correct a minor mistake. Epilogue will be up soon, hopefully. **

**We are, my (hopefully) loving fans, approaching the end. This has a nice, sappy-happy ending which I love so enjoy (: **

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13

I woke up, and everything was white.

Lily was sitting on the edge of the bed. Her face softened when she noticed my eyes were open.

She lifted her wand and conjured a glass of water. Handed it to me.

"Hey," she said, moving closer when I had drunk. She closed her hand around mine and gave it a squeeze. "How are you?"

"I think I'm having déjà vu," I said throatily, and she laughed. The sound rang in my ears. Without meaning to, I said what was on my mind. "You're pretty, Lily."

I was amazed when her smile didn't fade, when she didn't look away. Her smile grew wider instead, and her face became so dazzling that I couldn't look away. The pressure on my hand increased – intensified so much that it hurt. I had no desire to move it.

"Is there room for one more?" she asked, and I looked at her confused at first, but then I nodded. She let go of my hand, stood up and came to the other side of the bed to climb in beside me. Her body radiated warmth and I felt very comfortable. Then I remembered something.

"So what happened?" I asked her carefully.

"Well, after you fainted, William just walked away and I called Sirius to help me move you –"

"Lily."

"What?"

"That's not what I'm talking about."

She swallowed. "Oh."

Again, the tears welled up. She shut her eyes. They seeped under her closed eyelids and trickled down her cheeks. "Oh, James," she gasped and suddenly I was cradling her head in my arms.

"Shh," I coaxed. "Shh. It's going to be okay. It's alright. I'm here."

She sobbed.

"Be quiet. Hush. I'm here."

Her tears spilled onto the blanket, my chest, my hands.

"It's okay. I'm here."

Finally, the sobs subsided into meek sniffs. She looked up at my face. "Hey," I said. "It'll be okay, okay?" Impulsively I cupped her face in my hands and rubbed the pads of my thumbs along her cheekbones, brushing away the tears. She smiled a watery smile, and we lay in silence for a while, looking at each other.

"I was so close to him," she said.

"I'll help you get through this. I swear. Just hush now."

She shook her head. "I was so close to him," she repeated. "He taught me so many things. About life. About happiness, family, love. I never listened." She paused, sniffed. "When I started sending you the notes –"

"Hey, don't bring that up now, Lily –"

Again, she shook her head, more violently this time, and struggled to sit up slightly. "No." She looked down at me, and her face was intense.

"No, I have to say it. When I started leaving the notes with you, I had reached a point where I was sick of dating a different guy every three days. I wanted something _real_, you know? So I had to pick a guy – an honest guy –"

"Lily, stop. We'll talk about this later."

"No, no, James, no. I have to tell you this. I have to tell you now." Her eyes were pleading with me, begging; she looked as if she was ready to get on her knees. "Please."

She was so desperate. Slowly, I nodded.

She went on, "So I had to find a keeper. I had seen you from afar and I decided I liked you. I was going to get you to like me, too, and made a plan to steal the poem from Professor Burbage and give you pieces of it until it was over. Then I would come out and tell you it had been me." She sniffed again. "I thought it was so smart, so romantic.

"But then the news about my dad came. I was devastated, James, because he had tried to teach me so much, but I had always rolled my eyes and thought he was being over-dramatic. And then he died and everything he had ever told me made perfect sense: to live life to the fullest, because death is always just around the corner; to love and respect my mother like Heaven was at her feet; to pray every day because miracles do exist. I hadn't done any of those things before his death. So I made a decision: I would change. I would complete each and every one of those deeds now, starting with one in particular.

"He had told me, once, to never give up on love. Never. If I wanted someone, I had to chase him and wheedle him and woo him until I either ended up with him or was exhausted to death from trying."

I was beginning to understand. But there was still a huge gap in the story. I opened my mouth to speak, but she placed a finger on my lips and knitted her eyebrows. "Let me finish," she said desperately, and I did.

"So I continued sending you the notes. But as the days went by I thought about him less and less, and I felt like I was cheating on him – the closer to you I got, the more I laughed with you, the less the memory of him came to my mind. I spent nights wide awake and feeling guilty for not remembering him. It had only been _days _since his death, and I was spending them laughing about stupid things, instead of thinking about him. What did that make me?

"And so, I was at a kind of cross-roads. Only I didn't have to make _one _decision – it felt like I had already made both of them. See, that was why I told you I couldn't be with you: keeping you away would allow me more time to think of my dad. But on the other hand, sending you the notes would be doing what he had told me to. I was so confused, torn, but I kept doing both things, getting more and more befuddled and messed up each day."

Her eyes were flaring with passion now. "But James, when I saw you tackle William, I realized I had only one choice to make. By being with you, I will be doing what my father encouraged me to. I will be completing the first deed. And I'll have you by my side to help me do all the others."

Awed silence rang throughout the room after her speech. I understood, almost. But everything was scattered in my brain, probably from being punched in the face the second time that week. I blinked a few times, trying to make sense of it, gaped at her, shook my head.

"That was…quite a story."

She gave me a half-smile. "It was, wasn't it?"

I closed my eyes. Forced myself to understand. And then the pieces came together. All the events from the past week fitted into place; all the secrets were out now. I was star-struck by the simplicity of it. I opened my eyes and resumed staring at her, and suddenly I was enraptured once again by her beauty.

"I get it now," I breathed.

"Good, smarty pants," she said, and then laughed. "Hey, now you've got my father's consent."

It took me a moment of figure out what she meant. But when I did, I responded by pulling her face down so that her lips were on mine and I was kissing her hard, and when I felt her smile into my lips and tangle her hand in my hair, my heart did a full-out victory dance in my chest, and I was so happy, so happy.

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**And that was the last chapter before the epilogue. I'm thinking of waiting two weeks before I put the epilogue up :D Or not. Depends xP **

**So, review. Tell me what you thought - I'd like it if you also told me what you think of the story as a whole. But don't do it just because I asked :P **

**Oh, and...**

**BOO!**

**Happy Halloween (: **


	14. Epilogue

**And here it is, finally. The very end. **

**...And now I'm constantly typing and backspacing, thinking of something inspirational to say. **

**Let's just settle with: I hope you guys liked this as much as I liked writing it. But the fact that everyone reviewed so regularly and so faithfully and so completely awesomely shows that you _did. _Thank you guys, SO much. Without you, this story would have been worthless. **

**Thanks to Siriusly in Lurve, Superhero 11, xXMizLilyEvansXx, A Morning Star, fromfirsttolastxx, prettypicking, HPITBBE, NeverQuitDreaming, prongster, Yumi'Mii-chan'Masumoto, CherryChance, Pyromaniac-Girl, MrsEmmetCullen-Bamber, NoNot, Jenny Barrow Loves Her Bee, Hannah In Wonderland, vampire-luver101,You're Just As Sane As I Am, Marteczka's Quill., Lady of the Deep, TinkerBella24Gerf, TmoVie, EatenByFlowersAndStillLaughing and the various anonymous reviewers. You guys are, as I've said countless times before, simply AWESOME times a gazillion. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. **

* * *

Epilogue

James Potter lay on the couch in his living room, staring at the ceiling and remembering.

He remembered Lily telling him a few days after their second kiss, that they had finally discovered why her father, Richard Evans, had killed himself. It turned out that he had been part of the Order of the Phoenix, an organization which believed Lord Voldemort to be returning to power and was preparing to fight against him and his followers. They sent messages to each other in secret and held occasional underground meetings to confer what their next move would be. They also had spies amongst Voldemort's followers, and as it happened Lily's father turned out to be one of them – he had collected much valuable information in his mind, and although he had been sure he had shared it with no one at all, the Death Eaters somehow got wind of it and set out to hunt him down.

Lily had paused at this point and sniffed so forcefully that James was alarmed; and naturally concerned, he had tried to convince her to tell him about it later when she was more comfortable – but stubborn as always, she had shaken her head and insisted that she finish the story now.

Because of the Order's various connections, Lily's father learned about the impending attack of the Death Eaters. James was now marveling at the irony of what had happened next: Richard had committed suicide, and in doing so, he had broken one of his own golden rules – that when Death knocks at your door, you must leave the house with him and take with you all the dignity you possess. But the irony lay in the fact that at the same time he had been following another of his rules: that you must protect your family – always, without exception – even if you have risk your life to do so, because at the end of the day _they _are the ones who will stand by you when you have lost everything else.

Even after all these years, James was amazed by the bravery of Richard's final act. He might have thought it undignified, but James greatly admired him for the intentions behind it and still regretted deeply that he had never been so fortunate as to meet the estimable man. At the same time, however, he was grateful to Richard, because his life lessons had brought James and Lily closer than the former could ever have hoped for. The effects of these lessons combined with the tragedy of her father's death had also encouraged Lily to restart the Order of the Phoenix, and James had stood by her resolutely in her decision while she gathered more members.

James sighed. He was slightly frightened of ultimately having to make the same decision for his own family. But he also knew that if it came to that, then that was what he would do. Because he loved his wife and son, more than he had loved anything in his lifetime.

He smiled when he remembered the story of how they had met and all the drama that had transpired afterward. And through it all, Lily's notes. They had had a good laugh about it later when he had reminded her that the poem had been originally addressed to a man from a man. And then Lily had shown him the last two lines of the poem, and he had smiled.

He had it memorized. He never wanted to forget the reason they were together. Now, as he closed his eyes and replayed their sweetest kiss in his mind, he also recited the poem under his breath, slowly, careful not to trip over any of the words.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds to shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date:

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thy growest: –"

But he stopped there, because suddenly an unfamiliar sound reached his ears, and he shot up off the couch and knew in his heart what was about to ensue. He sprinted into the hall in a last desperate attempt to close his house and family off from whom he knew was going to enter. He shouted at the top of his voice, so that Lily, who was in the kitchen, could hear him:

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off –"* He could hear the baby crying at the urgency in his voice.

But then James came to a stop, because he now found himself looking up at the sneering face of Lord Voldemort, and fear seized him and he was unable to move or think or breathe.

The Dark Lord lifted his wand, a smile curling his cruel mouth.

"Avada Kedavra!"

And then, in the fleeting moment he watched the green beam of light hurl itself his way as if in slow motion, James Potter whispered a string of words that no one would hear. They were two lines from a poem, a beautiful poem whose flowing words were heavy with shining memories of Lily that he would not forget even after his lips had uttered them for the very last time.

"_So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,_

_So long lives this and gives life to thee._"

* * *

**I like to think that maybe those lines helped to save Harry. Just a thought :P **

**REVIEW! And thanks a million, again!**

***JK Rowling's line, not mine. **


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